Amanda was coming for the weekend and I was looking forward to her visit.  Someone to talk to you, go out to dinner and laugh with.  She was arriving in Chula Vista, at the trolley station we had finally agreed on, close to the border.  I could check the mail for my books before I picked her up.  Leaving early on Saturday morning, I didn’t want to be late, you could never tell how long you would have to wait to get over the border.  Arriving a few minutes early, I sat in the car waiting for her trolley to arrive.  Right on time 1:15pm, there she was my best friend of 30 years.

Amanda and I had been through everything together, we had met long ago.  The first time we saw each other, I had been out riding one of my horses through the apple orchard, she had driven up the drive to the ranch in a Porsche, with her boyfriend Gary. I had been riding Diallo, my Dad’s Appaloosa Stallion that day, he was a little a frisky, doing his side stepping show.   We pranced up to their car, I got down off my horse, long red hair all in tangles, I had twigs and leaves from the trees in my hair, I looked a mess. She has always said, She could never forget that day when she saw us.  Us, meaning me and  Diallo, she had seen us out in the orchard, galloping through the trees.  She had never been on ranch before, had never ridden a horse, she was amazed as me.   We had absolutely nothing in common, she was from Los Angeles and 6 years older than me.  I thought she was the most amazing women, she was an airline stewardess.  I guess I kind of hounded her for our friendship, like a younger sister, she was always trying to get rid of me.

I got out of the truck to greet her and giving her a big hug and kiss, I loaded her bags and off to Mexico we drove.  The drive only took 40 minutes, we chatted all the way.  It felt so great to be around someone that knew you so well, no hiding, no reason to hold back information, we were best friends, from the first time we met.

Arriving at my Casita by the Sea, Amanda was impressed by my new surroundings, comfortable and colorful just like all my other houses where I had lived.  I had  brought a few treasures from Tahoe, Amanda immediately recognized them from my world travels.  We settled in,  I showed her to the spare room.  We decided to go out for a walk, along the cliffs to watch the waves, we took pictures of ourselves.  Enjoying a glass of wine as we sat on the edge of the cliffs to watch the waves roll in, the beauty that surrounded us was overwhelming.  Once we sat down our conversation didn’t end until she left on the following Tuesday.

I wanted to take Amanda to this great little restaurant, La Fonda’s for dinner. The restaurant sits on a cliff overlooking the waves below, it was one of the best spots to watch the sunset.   We headed down the coast highway for Margarita’s, Dinner and the Sunset, it was a perfect evening.  We laughed so hard tears were rolling down our faces.  We could talk about everything, the past was a big part of what we needed to share now.  We both had different memories of what had happened and a different perceptive on the things we shared that night.

Early the next morning we decided to take a drive down the coast to Ensenada. I knew a great spot to stop, the view was spectacular it was called el Miradore.  It was once a rest stop with shops and restaurant and shops, now it was deserted.  The buildings were painted in blues, purple, yellows and orange, it made a great back drop for photos.  We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day, perfectly clear with no wind and it was warm.  As we stood gazing out over the Blue Pacific, we started to talk about Leo.  He seemed to be with us on that trip.  I was running around taking pictures, of Amanda and the beautiful vista from the perch.  I was moving down the stairs so that I could get more of the buildings into my shot, when Amanda called out “Oh my God, Claire, look over there, it’s Leo’s name on the rock, It’s written on the rock”.  I couldn’t believe it!  I had been to this spot before and stood right where I was and had never seen it.  It was an omen, we decided.  Seeing that rock, left me feeling shaky for the rest of the day.  We continued down the highway visiting a few tourist spots, having lunch and stopping at the fish market for shrimp before heading home.

Once we were home Amanda asked to read the letter that Leo had written and I agreed to let her see it.  After reading the letter that I had written back to him, Amanda began to cry and couldn’t stop.  It was so sad to think about all those years that had gone by and him now in prison.  We talked a lot about what I was going to do, would I be his friend and be there for him.   Amanda gently reminded me to not get into deep, but his name on a rock was an omen, he was back in my life, but for how long.

I took Amanda back to the trolley on Tuesday, we had a wonderful visit and she promised to come back soon.  I told her I would try and get up to Long Beach one of these days, but it was hard because I had the dogs and I couldn’t leave them for very long.  After I dropped her, I went to the post office to check for books or maybe a letter from Leo.  The box was empty and I headed home.  Wednesday was my day for class, I decided to go to bed early so that I would be rested, I was exhausted from the past couple of days.

Leaving again the next morning to head to class, I stopped by the Post Office again, one of my books arrived, it was just what I needed. It was the book “Memoirs of a Militia Sergeant” by Manuel Antonio de Almeida,  No letter, oh well I thought, Leo probably didn’t like what I had to say, that’s it.  I longed to get my class over so I could go home and rest.  The next day I really couldn’t do much of anything, feeling a little depressed from all the excitement, it seemed as though I was reaching a dead end again with Diego.

Friday morning I woke in good spirits, looking forward to a day of writing.  It came in spurts and this was one of those days, I wrote for hours.  The words just flowed.  I would usually start around 10am and continue until 5pm.  I liked the schedule I had set for myself.

It was a evening in March, Manuel was out with some of his friends and had run into Roger, at Rene’s Bar.  He made small talk with Roger, who was a football nut and the game was on TV.  Manuel finally got around to asking Roger, “So have you heard from Claire, how is she anyway”, Roger said, “She moved down to Mexico, she came down in January”.  Manuel asked “Do you know where she lives”, “Ya, She’s in Castillo Del Mar, she doesn’t leave the house much she is writing a book”, Roger replied.   Manuel asked “I’d like to go by and see her, do you know the number of her house”.  Roger said, “It’s a gated community I don’t think you can get in, but it’s number 43 or 47, I think.  I haven’t been by in while, maybe you should go check on her”.  “Just check at the gate, tell them you’re a friend”.  Manuel said ‘Thanks, I will” and left the bar.

By five, I was tired, stopping to make dinner, I had planned to go to bed early.  After dinner I would take the dogs for a walk, maybe read for awhile and then sleep.  I took the dogs out after dark, we walked for a while and then headed for home.  As I came closer to my house, I could see a man standing there.  As I approached him, he said “Do you remember me”? It was Manuel, I almost fainted, I said “Yes, of course I do, would you like to come in?”  I was shaking so hard I didn’t want him to see, how much he had affected me.

He had found me, “Oh my God” I thought to myself, “He has found me”.  He had brought me some poems that he wanted to share, as we sat at my table in the dining room we talked for hours.  We talked about everything as if we had been friends all of our lives.  It was very intense and the attraction was unbelievable, magnetic, there was electricity in the air.  I already knew in my heart that he was married, he didn’t have to tell me, I knew.  I also knew that I would never be able to have an affair with him it would go against all that I knew.  We talked about it, he looked me in the eyes and said “We are one” and I replied “ Yes I know”.  He had written four questions on a piece of paper, for me to answer in regards to a possible romance, quickly I answered ”No” to each one and instantly he knew. That’s when we started a friendship.

Villa Claire Delores Inn and Spa

Mulege, Baja California Sur, Mexico

PART ONE  -  I WANT TO MOVE TO MEXICO

I have just returned from Mexico, I was gone about five years.  I am home now, living in Truckee California, its where I started from.  Before I left, I owed a beautiful 128 year old Victorian in downtown, I ran a small business and had a lovely house with a perennial garden I had worked on for years.  Truckee is located in the Sierras, about 30 minutes from lake Tahoe, I have spent most of my life here, this is where I always come back to.  Pine trees, clear blue sky, peace and quiet, my friends, family, its my home.  When I left I thought I would never come back.

I am living out highway 89 with a good friend who has taken me in.  Penniless with 2 dogs and 3 cats, all of my possessions fit into a 9ft utility trailer.  My car and trailer filled mostly with books, a massage table, the table my sister gave me, the  Japanese chests I have had for 30 years, a few odds and ends and my animals.  The rest stolen, a few things were sold so I could buy a car and have some money for gas and food.  Not much compared with what I left with in the way of materials things. Just a reminder of my life. You could say I am a lot happier than when I left, a lot poorer, with no stuff, some how I have managed to retain all my faculties.  I am not in a looney bin and I am  not filled with hate and fear.  A few tears have been shed along the way and each morning when I get up, I am still not quite over it.

I have a beautiful airstream trailer surrounded by pine trees, a part time job, a little money to carry me over and my computer.  To tell this story is the best way I know to put it to rest forever and to maybe save some other person from making the same mistakes I did….or by gaining insight to what the universe has in store for you.  Life is always changing, after spending months reading the I Ching, a series of stories and poems began to emerge.  The more I studied and read the meanings, the more I began to accept life and all the changes without fear.  Everything changes rapidly, or slowly and sometimes appears as not at all, but it is always changing, every second, everyday, as we go through the changes of our life.

I am a spiritual person, or I should say I have become a spiritual person.  I guess is has been part of my path and growth for some time now.  Usually in the morning I will read horoscopes, Daily Om, I Ching, just to give my self a sense of balance.  This morning I had already decided to start writing this story again, home 3 weeks today, I was settled in my life again, new routines were enfolding.    I have been having flash backs in the morning of things that were missing, remembering events that occurred, a few tears this morning.  I fix breakfast each morning for Jeff, my friend, his Mother Gwen, who is living in small cabin out here as well.  This morning Jeff and I were having our usual morning talk and I began to talk about Mexico again this morning.  I was remembering all the foreign currency I had collected from all over the world.  It had no monetary value to anyone, yet it had been stolen by the people you will hear about later in this book.  The currency from Japan my brother had given me, Keats had died just a few months before, the note from Shanghai that my Dad  had given me years ago, when he was a merchant seamen during WWII. He had just died in December, I started to cry, a great way to start your morning.  Jeff said I was starting to repeat myself like his Mom with dementia, I laughed, so did he, but somehow, it was more than just the lost stuff.  I really had not dealt with any of it yet.  Its huge to lose so much, even when you think you can handle it.  The death of few family members while away, just the whole thing. Here I was trying to put a positive spin on everything….

So my I – Ching this morning was right on…..Shock…..I read it with a wave of relief.  There was actually nothing wrong with me.  Any normal person would probably being feeling the same way.  My friends were supportive about how I had handled the situation, not being to proud to take a job way beneath me, living in a trailer, not complaining, but actually showing courage and true happiness.  To the point where I do act and seem like a different person, much to my surprise, maybe I have grown.

Shock
Monday, May 7th, 2007  
General Meaning: One hears thunder unexpectedly! First comes fear, then a sharpened, clearer vision. Recall a close brush with danger – a falling branch, an automobile accident barely avoided, an escape from a potentially violent confrontation. Such incidents first arouse every nerve fiber in your body in a brief wave of terror, but soon, once the danger has passed, give way to a heightened awareness of the world. The same process also occurs with other types of shock – the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, business failure and so on.

The lasting impact of a major shock can either be stimulating or debilitating, depending upon one’s inner strength of character. The critical factor is the ability to become immune to fear, thereby transforming anxiety into a laser-sharp perception of the world around you.

When overtaken by crisis, the wise search their hearts for inner strengths, in order to face the world with courage. Courage often means daring to take the unexpected path – to bounce back quickly and self-confidently after failure, to have faith in the eternal when confronted with death.

We tend to think of shock only in the context of unpleasant events. We can also be jarred, however, by the sudden release of tension which comes with unexpected success. To keep your bearings in the aftershock of either trauma or victory, it is essential that your inner compass be aligned with “true north”, that magnetic force which guides you toward fulfillment of both your deepest desire, and your highest destiny.

This spoke right to my heart, it was the magnetic force within me that was guiding me towards achieving my deepest desire and to my highest destiny.  This story is not like one from the movies where the beautiful single woman goes to Italy and finds true love after getting flour on her face when she makes pizza for the first time.   This is a story about a woman, who falls flat on her face, goes to jail and does not collect $200.00 when she passes home.  A self discovery of who the hell I really I am, what I am made of and a lot of bullshit along the way.

Some people have nightmares and some people live through nightmares, this was mine. A destiny to face all my fears, abandon all my past beliefs and finally to start living my life again with a new beginning.

Here is a copy of a letter I wrote a few years ago in 2005 when the beginning really started and the realization of what I had started began to sink in.  When I read it now, I realize that I was confused and scared about what was going to happen next.

PLEASE HELP I’M IN MULEGE!!!

This is actually a letter I did not want to write, but I feel I have no choice.  My name is Claire Delores, I am the owner of Villa Claire Delores, a beautiful Inn & Spa.  I have been in Mexico almost 3 years and in Mulege a year and a half.

When I came to Mulege, I found this old house, owned by a Mexican couple, Polo and Sofia Estrada, many of you know the house, part of it was once a restaurant.   I agreed to buy it and was promised a clear title, I paid a down payment, to show that I was honest in my attempt.  Everyone was all smiles when I handed them the check.  I began to fix this old house, waiting for the paperwork to be final.  I wanted to get open and not waste a lot of time.  Since the afternoon I gave them that check my life has been a living hell.

I have had my furniture locked in the house for a week, marijuana growing in my gardens, they called Immigration, trying to close me down.  My water was cut off, saying I couldn’t use the lines that existed on the property, new ones were put in by me. I was without water for 6 weeks. I have replaced the roofs that leaked, put in electricity, hot water and painted and refurbished inside and out.  It’s beautiful here.

My problems have not ended, I still do not have a title, and now Polo and Sofia are saying I’m renting.  They have done everything they can to get me to leave, except throw me off a cliff, and I’m afraid that might be the next thing on their list.  I have been robbed of $1500.00 and recently seven of my nine birds have been killed, by breaking their necks.  Last month I painted the terrace again, a happy color of rose, 3 days later, someone came by in the night and sprinkled white paint all about.  In just the past three days someone has been throwing dead chickens on the terrace at night.

I am a patient woman, but what I am to think.  I have gone to The Police, The Mayor, and The DA.  They all politely shake their heads and point a finger at me, saying I have done this all wrong.  All that I have done, is give what I thought were honest people money and fixed up this house, now it seems they want it back and me gone.

I need help, I need a person to step in, who speaks Spanish better than me, to help negotiate a truce.  It took me almost a year and a half to move here, and that is what it will take for me to leave.

Or provide me with a title so that I live peacefully and not in fear.  My last paying job was an Editor of a nationally read magazine, if I have to, I will proudly send articles with pictures of Polo and Sofia, so that people can read what’s really like to buy property here.  I’m open for business and remain so, I just can’t sit quietly here, someone needs to know.

Sincerely, 
Claire Delores
Villa Claire Delores
615 153 -0779