AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Twelve

 

   After all that, I really needed to get away.  I had been torn in two and needed some rest.  I took out the map of Baja and looked at names of a few of the towns close by.  El Rosario jumped at me, it was a four hour drive, I loaded up the dogs and the truck and drove off .

I found a little hotel Mama Espanoias’s, cheap rooms with restaurant.  I arrived after dark, I unpacked the truck, took the dogs for a quick walk and sat down for a nice dinner.  The food was good, I ordered lobster and ate every bite.

The Pacific was a short drive away, so in the morning after breakfast I headed to the beach.  Where else, I loved sitting in the sand watching the waves, the dogs ran and ran and ran.  It was a great afternoon.  I wanted to do a bit more exploring so I traveled along an old dirt roads, there was cactus everywhere and I wanted one for my courtyard.   I stopped along the road and took a look in my truck for something to dig one of the cactus up with.  All I had was my broom for the truck that I kept in the back, it’s handle was broken and kinda sharp, so I thought, this will do.  I set out to find the perfect cactus, it couldn’t be too big, or else it would be too hard to dig up.  Eventually I found one, it was about 18 inches across.  I set out digging it up, while I was digging I stabbed my hand in about 4 places right in my knuckles.  God, it hurt and stung, blood was running down my hand.  I wrapped something around it and kept on digging finally getting that stubborn plant out of the ground.  I put in the back with dogs and drove to the hotel. 

My hand was really aching, I cleaned it, put some ointment on it I had and went to dinner.  That night, my hand was so swollen I was in so much pain, I couldn’t sleep.  I found some aspirin in my purse and then slept for a few hours.  In the morning I was worse, so I packed the truck, the dogs and we headed home.

It was a long miserable drive, when I got back to Rosarito I went right to the clinic.  I told the nurse what happened, she gave me some antibiotics and pain killers.  I went home took the pain killers and went to bed.  The nurse said to take everything for 10 days, so I was religious about it, my hand was really swollen and I was in a lot of pain.   Nothing was working, I went back to the clinic and they gave me something different and told me to soak my hand in hot water.  So I went home and did what they said.  After a week, I was really sick and I was scared.

I was running a high temperature and I couldn’t get out of bed.  So I got out my computer and starting looking at cactus on the Internet.  I couldn’t find anything poisonous, I was tired and fell asleep.  The next morning I was much worse and I had started this strange convulsing of my body, like a jerking.   So I got back on the computer and researched my symptoms on the Internet, I came up with Tetanus.  No one gets Tetanus these days, but I decided that maybe I should go over the border to the hospital in San Diego. I called Alice and she came right over and gave me ride up San Diego to the emergency room.  I hate Dr’s, I always feel stupid, when there is nothing wrong, but there I was sitting in the emergency room jerking like a freak, waiting my turn to see the nurse.

Once she took a look at me, she put one of those wrists bands on me, I waited a few more minutes, then I was being wheeled back to see the Doctor.  They ran a few test and asked me some questions, when the Doctor took my hand and looked me in the eyes, He said “Little Lady, you have Tetanus, we are going to do everything we can”, That’s when I lost consciousness. 

I died during night, I don’t remember, I didn’t see angels or anything.  The next afternoon when I opened my eyes, I was hooked up to every machine.  I was in intensive care, with heart monitors, IV drips of antibiotics, anti tetanus , saline you name it.  Plastic monitors taped to my chest, things sticking out of my legs, I was a mess.  I could barely speak, I was still doing the jerking thing, I guess they were a bit concerned.  Tetanus effects the nervous system, is slows the heart rate and then stops your breathing.  It is usually fatal.  It is sometimes called “Lock Jaw”, during the spasms your jaw locks, which mine did.  According to the Doctors, it is very unusual to get Tetanus, vaccines are given frequently.  In fact I had a booster just a few years before, they last 10 years.  If I had not gone to the hospital when I did, I would have died at home within a few hours.

Alice came back to check me they said, but they weren’t allowing me any visitors yet.  She had left a phone number for me to call, when I could.  I was there all alone.    I spent a week in the hospital, I didn’t call anyone to let them know, not even Amanda.  The Doctor said I could go home, but the tetanus had done damage to my heart and would take me some time maybe a year to heal.  I would  need to rest.  My hand was all bandaged, I hadn’t been able to take a shower or even comb hair.  Alice came and picked me up and she took to my house.  She did some shopping for me and told me if I needed her she would come right over.  I said, “I’ll be fine, I just want to get into bed”.

After Alice left the phone rang, it was Leo.  He was frantic because he couldn’t get a hold of me.  I him told where I had been, but all he could talk about was the letter I had sent.  The last thing I heard before I hung up, was him saying that I needed to take responsibility  for my life and what had happened between us.  I put the phone back on the cradle, I think he was still yelling something.  I looked at the ring he had given me and I took it off, I had finally let go of and the past.

When I died in that hospital, something changed in me and a new person was born.  I let go of things I thought I never could, I forgave myself and forgave Leo.   Diego was right, there were two people in that vision, he helped me to realize that Leo was not the other face.  In growing and forgiving I was making room for the other person to come into my life.  I had come a long way.  I never talked to Leo again, nor do I think I ever will.

The next few weeks I spent resting.  Each day I got a little stronger, my heart hurt, but my hand was healing.  It was numb, it would be a year and half before I would start writing again.   I spent my time reading and going over all that happened in the past six months.  The reality of it was sinking in, I started to think I should go home to Truckee, that maybe this had all been a mistake.  I had finally let go of the past, I had grown.  It felt great.

I spent the next few weeks trying to decide what to do, I didn’t have all the answers yet, I had written 185 pages of a story I felt compelled to write.  I thought if I found a new location I could get a start fresh when I was a little bit stronger.

I decided to go home for a visit, my house was ski leased and had some repairs that needed to be done. I missed Shane and my grandchildren, I loaded up the cats and dogs for the 10 hour drive home.   It was great  feeling to be home in my own bed, lighting a fire and watching it snow, I thought about if I wanted to keep living in Mexico.   If I wanted to give up my house and my family for all new found freedom.  Moving to Mexico is a choice you make, something not to be taken lightly.  I felt I was making a decision not out of desperation, but one well thought out, the best laid plans of Mice and Men. I wasn’t making this decision based on a whim.  I had already sold one piece of property, I could reinvest in the states, but what I wanted to do was write.  Writing had been a plan of mine since my early twenties, and this was my chance, I didn’t want to blow it. 

I wandered through town and visited with friends, went skiing with Shane, we had one of the best days ever, just the two of us.  I spent time sitting in my favorite restaurants, having drinks in my favorite bar, after 10 days, I knew I wanted to return to my little house in Rosarito on the beach.   The visit home and the  town where I had spent most of my life, had made it clear that I was ready to leave.

I put the house on the market May 15th and within 2 weeks I had an offer at full price.  Wow, I didn’t expect it to happen so fast, so I packed my truck and headed back to Truckee to sign the papers and pack up my house.  I had 45 days until escrow would close.  So there I was alone in the house with all the stuff I had collected for a life time, kids toys, clothes, bicycles with flat tires, 6 pair of old skis, my garage was full of junk.  So the sorting and packing began  and getting rid of all the junk, I ordered a dumpster, which eventually was emptied 6 times during the process. I moved everything I didn’t want into the garages and begin sorting for the garage sale of the century.  I went through every old box, not wanting to throw away any personal picture or memento that I couldn’t live without.   Once this was done, I moved everything outside for the sale, it lasted 3 days, almost everything went, furniture, clothes, basket and planters, fountains, tables and umbrellas.  I raised enough money to buy a camper shell for my truck and a utility trailer.  I called North American Moving Lines and moved my most prized possessions into storage until I could figure out where I would be moving. I was taking off with a trailer full of my clothes and a few small pieces of furniture, 3 dogs and 2 cats headed back to my house in Rosarito Beach.

~ by clairedelores on May 15, 2008.