AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Eight

 

 

   After the visit from Manuel, I was very confused.  He had told me was married, even though I had a very strong attraction for him, I did not want to be involved emotional and certainly not intimately.  There was such a strong pull between them, I needed some time to figure out what was happening to me.  It was as if I was being called upon to steer a collective enterprise, that would not only benefit me, but all those I was involved with.  My world seemed to contain limitless number of puzzles.  Every twist of the road seemed to bring something new for me to ponder.  At some point I would have to stop asking questions and start making sense of the answers I had already collected.

Letters from Leo were coming every week.  I was searching my storehouse of memories to find answers, to rediscover things I already knew, but had forgotten.  I could hear his voice in his letters, he said we were soul mates, there was a difference between Soul Mates and Twin Souls.

A soul mate is one who you may love just enough to show you all aspects of self that need to be brought into light of unconditional love.  The very one you have the most difficulty accepting may be a soul mate who is giving you the opportunity to forgive seventy times seven.  They will often create an environment of safety for you to empower you to process your end time.  They will teach you the depths of unconditional love in preparation for the reunion with your Twin Soul.

In my heart I felt it, I could always find him, I still wore the ring he had given me when I was 16, I had never taken it off.  Remembering that each person possess a gem hidden inside, I couldn’t help reaching out to Leo.  The challenge would be to discover what was good in my relationship with him.  I just needed to sacrifice control over the situation, calm down and wait it out.  Sometimes you just can’t avoid a situation.  Maybe I was being tested both physically and emotionally.  It was too late to change the events of the past few months.  I had to stay healthy and let go of the desire to push the river to make things happen.

I felt I was on the brink, of a period of time so multidimensional that it was hard to separate fact from fantasy.  There were so many developments unfolding, changing and merging, it was difficult to comprehend every nuance.  It was overwhelming.  The best thing for me to do was relax and open my mind to a more primal state of pure awareness.  I needed to stop listening to rational intellect and get in touch with my deep body of wisdom.  Ultimately, I had to stay close to the way I was feeling at every moment. 

The situation was veering out of control and I was beginning to feel trapped by the circumstances.  I felt as though I was springing out of cage, in which I had been contained too long.  Now that I had launched myself on this journey, I was feeling maybe I had moved to fast, gone too far, too soon, as if I was hurtling through space without the ability to keep all the energies in one place.  The wheels were rolling down unfamiliar territory, it was time to tune back into my primary focus, to rein in the wild horses.  What once felt like a fun adventure was turning into a wild ride.  I needed to find a way to quell my fears and proceed with confidence, I had to find my course again and steer it.

I could feel that something exciting was about to happen and now was definitely not the time to hesitate.  I would be given a signal or an opening, trusting my instincts and spontaneity I needed to be prepared.  I was seeing with new eyes, there was the long term potential to go way beyond personal and relationship limitations.  The value once placed on the outer was being shifted to the inner.  I was gaining new capacities for self knowledge, self trust, inspiration and visionary ideas.  I was as abundant as the universe, where fertile, creative and blossoming new developments were constantly emerging.

I did love Leo and I would try to remain available to until his release.  It was up to him, I wouldn’t be fooled by him and all his promises that he could never keep.  The new friendship with Manuel was puzzling, I felt there was something more and wanted to find out.  It was impossible to have two twin souls, but for some reason I had brought two people into my life and I hadn’t even left the house.

Leo was always in the back of my mind.  He was in my thoughts, I was no longer having conflicts within myself in regards to him.  But somehow things just didn’t seem to fit.  I wanted to see him, so that I could look into his eyes again, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

Remembering the last time I saw him, it was at my Dad’s ranch, it was a lifetime ago.  I had pleaded with him to marry me, he said “No”.  I was so afraid and hurt, I told him I would never leave him, in a way I never did. Over and over again, I would find him, hoping he had changed his mind, maybe he would want to be a part of Shane’s life.  He was never ready.

I sent him the story of Topaz, it was like our life, she was waiting and he was always contrary.  As if his soul was caught making the same choice in consciousness he had made lifetime after lifetime.  Still caught up in the threadless spin of consciousness patterned in alignment with the past.  In his letters he had told me that I wouldn’t be surprised if we were evolving in parallel directions.  “Once one twin individualized polarity of consciousness and choose pure love ideas, expressions and emotions, they would become subject to each others Grace and this would become their newly shared Karma” How did he know?  “One move forward in the process of the journey automatically provides the impetus to bring the other forward in similar fashion”   

Leo and I had begun to re-establish our relationship through letters.  It seemed we were both evolving along the same path.  I felt close to him, wondered if it could be true, maybe he was the one true soul.  I couldn’t be sure and kept remembering what Amanda had said, “He uses you Claire, like always, and manipulates you, it’s a hopeless situation, let it go.”  I wanted to believe, but more work needed to be done.  If he was truly my twin he would enter Mirror Seven with me, there was no begging, bargaining or pleading that could force the Creator to make that fusion.  It was the ultimate Gift of Grace.

My thoughts returned to the good memories they shared, the way he had made me feel when we were together, his encouragements and his love.  Leo wasn’t an just person, he was a notorious pirate.  Maybe he would learn this time, I hoped.  I had to stay focused on myself and what needed to be done to make my life secure.  The future would take care of it’s self.  He was not in my life, and no threat, it would be two years before he would be released.  I was safe. If it was meant to be they would reunite through prayers and mediation.  Meanwhile, I would continue with my work and research to find Diego.  The mysterious Manuel had intrigued me, they had something to share.

It had begun to rain and I re-read all of the letters that Leo had written to me in the past few months.  Hoping they would continue until his release.  I would remain his friend, waiting as I always had.  There were no guarantee about what would happen, they would have to wait and see.  I would remain loyal, it was all I could do now.

~ by clairedelores on May 15, 2008.