AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Part Two – Chapter Three

 

 Moving In

Polo and Sofia Estrada – This picture was taken is 2002 , just after I had given them money to start buying their house.  We were are smiles, Polo told me we were a family now.

It had rained with great force as I drove towards Mulege. The torments of rain were so vigorous I actually had to stop the truck a few times as my view of the road was completely obscured by the sheets of rain and wind. My windshield wipers could not keep up with the downpour.  Determined to make the drive in one day I continued on, there was some flooding in areas where the water had run down from the dry arroyos, the desert was wild and very exciting.  Huge thunder clouds filled the sky as deafening thunder and bolts of lightning reached for the land below, the spectacular display before me were unbelievable sights, but did not stop me from venturing on to my destination.  I pulled in around 7pm that evening, a light rain sprinkling down, everything had turned a brilliant green.  The setting sun to the west dramatized the effect with a warm freshness to the atmosphere and I felt home a last.  Polo and Sofia came out to greet me and the dogs as we began to unload a few things from the truck.  My neighbors Franciso and his wife Husta were there to help, Polo had them hired to work for me.  Franciso was to help with repairs and Husta was to help me with the house.  We are all smiles that evening, Sofia offering dinner after my long journey, they had been worried about my arrival as it had be raining very hard in Mulege just a few hours before.  I had told them the day I would arrive before I left, as usual, I was right on time.

Polo and Sofia had promised to clean the apartment that I would be moving into.   Upon closer  inspection nothing had actually been done, to my disappointment, even though I didn’t show it at the time.   I moved a few things in cheerfully, I knew I would have time in the next few days to organize myself.  I made the bed and fed my animals and then took a drive out to see my friend Judy at The Orchard.  I was excited to see her and let her know that I had returned.  When I drove up and walked over to her little trailer, she was still up and happy to see me, she gave me a big hug.  We sat outside under the coconut palms that surrounded her trailer, we celebrated with a Pacifico beer.  The night time temperature was perfect, the rains had cleared the air and everything was sweet-scented.  A soft wind swept across our faces and the rustling of the leaves on the palms was a soothing sound in the tropical night.  Our conversation light, mostly about the trip and my long drive down.   I told her I would stop by in a few days, I had some questions I wanted to ask Hugo and Josfina and to get started on the contracts for sale of the house.  There were  a few things I needed to know and I asked for her help and support, She agreed. 

During the next few days, I unpacked my truck and trailer, making myself as comfortable as I could.  My views out over the Sea of Cortez were breathless, I could not get enough of it.  Every morning when the sun would rise, I would myself sitting on the terrace captivated by the sights and sounds of Mulege. 

So What’s Ajeido Land……
I was settling into my new surroundings, I began to wander throughout the old house, seeing now with new eyes the work that would need to be done.  Things were much worse than I had anticipated, but I really did not see anything that could not be repaired with some effort and money.  The wiring was almost not existent, held together with pieces of tape in some places and not at all in other places.  It had begun to rain and the upper Casitas had roofs that leaked like a sieve. I would need two new roofs and complete new wiring throughout the entire house.  There was one fuse connected to some old wire that was just hanging there, and no electrical box.  My lists of supplies was growing longer every day.

Polo was asking for money, he said he would need another $5000.00, I agreed and asked for a receipt so he could sign for it.  I typed up a formal receipt for him to sign, when I went over to there apartment, Sofia explained to me that he had left and would be back in a week.  An uneasy feeling began to creep inside me, my natural instinct was trying to tell me something, I pushed it aside in my excitement. 

I went to see my friend Judy, to ask more questions about Polo and Sofia.  She explained to me that she had done some research and had asked her boss Roberto about the property I was trying to buy.  She had found out the land the house was sitting was Ajeido Land, an expression I had never heard.  I had no idea what the word meant. I would soon find out, the early explanations did not reveal to me the seriousness of what I was about to become involved in.

 
When I first arrived I had started taking pictures of the house, so I would be able to see the improvements as I progressed.   The house was in complete disrepair, this didn’t frighten me. I saw it as challenge to create a masterpiece that would give me pleasure, a home and business to last to the end of my life.  Looking back at the old photos today and the way it looked when I left, gave me a sense of accomplishment.  The Villa was on its way to becoming one of the most beautiful houses in Baja, it was just going to take a few years.  I felt prepared for this project and very hopeful.  Nothing in life worth having does not have a few bumps along the way.  So whatever the Ajeido Land obstacle was, I felt that it would be resolved.  I had no idea what Polo and Sofia had planned for me.

 

Judy explained to me the meaning of Ajeido Land.  Basically almost all of the land in Mulege was owned by the Ajeido, which was a group of Mexican families that held title over certain portions of land. The land had been titled during the time of Spaniards and was common throughout Europe even today.  The title could be secured by petitioning to the appropriate Ajeido Family for the clear title.  It did not imply that a clear title could not be secured.  It was a bit confusing and I went to see the Real Estate Agents Hugo and Josefina Martinez to ask them about this.  Yes, they said part of the land was Ajeido and a clear title would be received in a few months. A portion of the land did have a clear title, I asked to see maps of the property and property lines.  I was told the land included with the house was nearly 2 acres.  I would need to form a corporation for $2000.00 and for an additional fee for their services, the title would be ready by the closing date in November, as we had agreed.  I did not see a problem with this, as an American, who had bought and sold many houses, I trusted the real estate agents, an honest assumption on my part.

I continued to absorb myself in the planning of the Inn and to start on some immediate construction.  I thought working on the outside of the house would be a good place to start.  There was so much to be done, I had a goal to try and open by December, I had six months to get things rolling.  My first project would be to pour cement in an out door walk way that was dirt and a portion of the upper terrace that was badly cracked and needed serious reconstruction.  The addition of new doors in the apartment that I occupied would begin within the week, there were currently just windows that overlooked the main terrace.  The doors would open up another entrance to the terrace from the apartment, bring in more light and enhancing the overall feel of openness.  I had a week left before I would head back to the United States to begin the many trips I would make bringing down supplies.  Mulege lacked at the time any kind of stores where you could purchase building materials, so everything would need to be brought down.  Sofia told me that Polo would be returning in few days from his trip and I looked forward to asking him many questions regarding construction and his advise which he had readily agreed to help with.  

I waited for Polo’s return and kept busy making list of the supplies I would be needing. I spent my days designing the Inn, drawing pictures of what was needed and the colors I would later use to finish things off. My excitement was mounting each day as I envisioned my completed project.  The heat of Baja did not seem to bother me.  I found ways to stay cool by heading out to one of the many beautiful beaches each afternoon and stopping for a cold beer and evening meal at El Patron, my favorite spot at the end of the river, on the Sea of Cortez.  The week passed uneventfully as I began to settle into my new life.   I still had my house at Castillo Del Mar in Rosarito Beach and I would continue to use it over the next month as a staging place to stay while buying supplies for Mulege.  It was now the end of July, I would be returning  to Rosarito in a few days, still no sign of Polo.  I would to stick to my plan to return to up north on August 8th.   This time I would be buying roofing materials for the two casitas, plumbing supplies and electrical wire,   to try and bring the house to code.  A fuse box was needed for the wiring for 220 and for new 110 wiring throughout the house, as the wire that existed was held together with tape.  New light fixtures, ceiling fans, a propane water heater and lots of paint, I also needed a new stove for my apartment.  I would spend a week shopping at Home Depot, Lowes and other home furnishing stores for all the needed supplies in San Diego.  I could only bring back  as much as my 5 by 9 foot trailer would carry.  All of the furnishings for the Inn were in storage and would be brought down when the construction was finished, I had carefully planned, by the end of October. 

This was was a huge project, one that I looked forward to.  I was completely amazed how easily things had begun to take place, I was making progress.  I was nearly ready to leave again for my trip up north, Sofia agreed to keep my dogs and cats while I was away this time.  I would be back in 10 days.  I left the morning of August 8th at 6 AM for the 10 hour journey back to Rosarito Beach, I would return on August 18th.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Part Two – Chapter Two

 

A Slow Motion Tango

I will put Mulege at your feet, he said to his bride,
For you Dear Sofia, A Villa to cherish.
Forever, he wooed as he looked into her eyes.
And many years later his promise was made, grinning in pride,
Dancing a Slow Motion Tango Under Tangerine Skies.

To you Dear Sofia, Mulege at your feet, he cooed.
High on a mountain top, a piece of land, a glorious seascape multi-hued,
The sleepy village of Mulege lay below,
The river and palms, little white houses, with a birds eye view.

From below and beyond the vista you see, of mountains, the desert and out to the sea,
Sheltered and hidden in the middle of the desert, its an Oasis you see.
Basked in warm sun, as melodious tunes drifts through the air,
Sounds of Mexico have lured and captured you, by the beauty there.

A painted red terrace, a happy color of rose,
Catching reflections of a sunset, a fine line of green trim,
Rod iron trellis, from lanterns hang, tiny tea lights that dimly glow,
As Bali umbrellas set in the round table, spin in the wind.
Settling your spirit, rest and relaxation, soothing your soul.

Bougainvilleas blooms bright red, purple and pink a dramatic contrast,
Against the Amarillo Villa, set like a castle, high on a peak.
Humming Birds darting in and out sipping sweet nectar with their long beaks,
Tiny bodies standing still for only a moment, you catch a glimpse
Of their beautiful rainbows, iridescent like fairies and nymphs.

Brightly colored birds fly overhead, landing in the trees, parrots and finches chatter about,
Frigates fly high, their tail feathers spread in the sky, soaring high like kits on a string,
Dipping and climbing, wings spread wide, Dancing A Slow Motion Tango Under Tangerine Skies.
Mulege at your feet, he wooed that night, to his sweet Sofia, with her soft brown eyes.

The day turns to night and the music still plays a gentle rhythm in their head.
Words from a Spanish love song, echo through the village, dancing cheek to cheek,
Their bodies so close together, they can hear their hearts beat.
His hand in hers, As he looks into her soft brown eyes,
They dance on the terrace, A Slow Motion Tango Under Tangerine Skies.

Where has the day gone, Mulege, Mulege, My Sofia Dear,
At your feet, I promise you, never to leave and nothing to fear.
Their voices speak softly now, as the skies turn black and the stars appear.
Into the night, Mars ignites, there Venus, ooh! A shooting star…make a wish.

Polo and Sofia sat on the terrace late, gazing into the night, hearts on fire,
Happy faces, wide smiles, you ask, could it be that promise he made to his wife one night,
As they sat on the terrace holding each other tight, and kissed in the night.
As the wise owl flew overhead and sat on a perch, hoo, hoo…hoo, hoo,
Oh it felt so right!

The music played on, tiny lights in the trees, soft sounds of the sea,
That’s how it began, the night Polo wooed Sofia, telling her how much he loved her,
As the sun began to rise, there is a story of tangerine skies,
The night Polo proposed to Sofia with soft brown eyes.

And in the morn, the color of the bougainvillea did change from bright red to apricot,
The color of Tangerine, an apricot hue.
Today you can see the star kissed bougainvillea,
Where the light hit the flower, transforming them,
Into a subtle color of apricot and blue.

And so, on one knee the promise to keep, To Dear Sofia with the soft brown eyes,
A dance on the terrace, A Slow Motion Tango Under Tangerine Skies.

Mulege, Mexico
October 2004

Mulege

The trip down from Bahia De Los Angeles to Mulege is roughly a four hour drive, the flat endless stretch past Guerrero Negro was very desolate.  Making my way past some interesting mountain peaks and a very winding road I reached the town of St. Ignacio.  Set in a valley crowded with date palms, an oasis, a wonderful change from the dust of the peninsula.   Surrounded by hues of green and a cool breeze off the Pacific, it began to feel more like what I was looking for.  St. Ignacio was inviting, but upon closer inspection, the main event in town was the mission, San Ignacio de Kadakkman, a central plaza, a few shops and mostly dirt streets.   A few start up hotels, Ignacio Springs Bed and Breakfast and a trailer park.  I drove through and continued on my way to Mulege.

Mulege would be the next stop on my tour and I planned to spend a few days exploring opportunities.  After descending the steep curves on the grade into Santa Rosalia, I was only a few miles to Mulege.  In the distance I could see the mountains that sheltered Mulege, when a beautiful rainbow appeared.  The sight of rainbow gave me hope that this would be a delightful experience and perhaps I was reaching the destination I had visualized in my mind so many times, The Promised Land.

Upon entering the town of Mulege the lush green of palms trees greeted me, a tranquil spot set along a lazy river.  I set about locating a place to camp for a few days, my first stop, The Orchard RV Park.  They offered camping and palapa house rentals.  I drove up and met Judy, she showed me a few available rentals and I decided on a one bedroom with air conditioning with a playa roof parking area right on the river for $55.00 per night.  I thought a bit expensive, but the only place the animals would be comfortable.  I unloaded the animals, cats and dogs, they were very happy to get out of the truck and into a cool room.  I then headed into town to buy supplies and check out my new surroundings.

Mulege was peaceful, quiet in July and very hot.  My original plan was to spend a few days in Mulege and then head down to La Paz and Los Barriles before making a decision on where I would soon live.    Mulege was inviting, warm waters in the Bay of Conception, white sand beaches and palm trees.  The village was quaint with a discernible tropical air and the laid back attitude of the locals reinforced my first impressions.

The next morning, I strolled up to the office to chat with the only American person I had seen, Judy.  I wanted to know about rentals and what was for sale in  the area. Judy had white blond hair a friendly smile and piercing blue eyes that twinkled when she spoke.  She worked in the office handling the rentals of camp space and palapa houses. She lived on the premises in a tiny trailer and drove around in golf cart.  She was a bit odd, especially after spending more than a few days talking with her.  She explained to me that she had made her way down to Mulege after being contacted by aliens.  She was waiting for someone to come and get her.  I wasn’t making any judgements on her sanity, everyone has there own thing and we sort of became friends.  I thought maybe she was really lonely, the summers in Mulege were void of any Americans.

Judy introduced me to Hugo and Josefina Martinez from Mulege Real Estate.  A Mexican couple, seemed interested in helping and both spoke perfect English.  It seemed things were running smoothly.  We set up an appointment to look at property in a couple days.  I spent the evening with Judy, we headed out to the Sea of Cortez to a little restaurant on the sand, El Patron, for dinner, beers and a few shots of tequila, my treat.  We sat out under the stars watching the waves roll in, our feet in the sand.  El Patron sits at the end of the river where it meets the Sea of Cortez a great spot on long summer nights when the air is still and hot.  We laughed a lot and talked about Mulege, what it was like, the people, about opening up a new business and my plans.  Everything seemed to fit, Judy was my guide and I trusted her.   We made plans to go out to Coyote Beach the next day, I drove us back to the Orchard and slept peacefully that night.

The drive out to the Bay of Conception was breathtaking, beautiful clear blue water, reminded me of Italy and The Almalfi Coast.  Set amongst catus, red mountains rugged and jagged, the blue waters sparkling in the baking sun of the desert.  Coyote Beach is a world renown beach for photographers, the water about 90 degrees was a refreshing change.  We set up my lounge chairs, opened a couple beers and sat right in the waves lapping at our feet.  I was feeling right at home, I loved this place.  We spent the day and evening at Playa Coyote and stopped off for dinner at Berthas on Burro Beach, another great spot to enjoy the hot summer weather.  Tacos and beer right on the beach, sailboats dotted the small harbor and the gentle waves of the Bay Of Conception lapping at our feet.  The next morning I would be meeting with Hugo and Josefina to look a t property, I was excited.  Sometimes in my life I have just fallen into the most perfect situations and this felt like one of those times.  I was trusting my instinct, it felt right, everything did.

The next morning I set off with Hugo and Josefina to look at what was available to rent or to buy.  They had a few properties to show me in my price range.  I wasn’t really sure what I was looking, I knew I wanted to keep writing, so something small.  In the back of mind, I realized I had a whole lot of furniture in storage, so I would need space for most of that stuff.  The first place was a small house for rent for $400.00 a month, really small and furnished, the second house was an old Mexican house, small and needed a ton of work, no plumbing, hardly a roof, just not what I was looking for at all.  Then Hugo said, we have  another house on the hill, its for sale or for rent.  I said, show it to me.  It was up an winding little dirt road at the top, the owners were at home and I was introduced to Polo and Sofia.  First they showed me the rental part of this house, a three bedroom, living area, one full bath and two half baths with an incredible view of the river below and the Sea of Cortez.  It was beautiful, immediately I fell in love with it.  Then I asked to see the rest of the house and how much it was for sale.  They showed me two casitas or small houses in disrepair and the owners apartment, which was about 2000 square feet, one big room with a huge kitchen, the entire villa was 5000 sq feet and they said 2 acres of land, the cost was $190,000.00 US dollars.  I could see the potential in the old Mexican villa and the two people who desperately wanted to sell it.

I returned to the Orchard that afternoon to think about the house and what I could actually afford and I how would go about purchasing it. It would need a lot of work to bring it up to standards, if I was going to turn it into an Inn and Spa.  I already had the furnishing and spa equipment needed to open.  The house needed electricity, as only bare wire existed, water was an issue and needed new pumps, this was only the visible work that need to be done.  I wanted to live in the house for awhile so that I could determine exactly what it would cost and how long it would take. 

I spoke with Judy who seemed to know so much about the people and ways of Mulege.  Judy had given me insight on the house, she had told me that Polo and Sofia were eager to sell, the house was in disrepair and they no longer had the money to fix it up.  They had been living there for almost 30 years.  Hard times had fallen on them, financial worries threaten them.  The sale of the house would give them an opportunity to start over, they wanted to open a Teinda out the road.  She assured me that they were honest people and that I could trust them. Her words to me, were that they were wonderful and very sweet people.  I accepted her word.  I felt as if this was a win-win situation for all of us.  I would be helping them and  I would have a chance of started over myself, I had wonderful plans.

I called Josefina and Hugo to make another appointment to see the house and to meet with Polo and Sofia again.  I wanted to have another look at the house and spend a few hours poking around to see what was actually there.  I wanted to try and get as much information before making a decision.

I asked if it had clear title  and all four of them, Polo and Sofia and Hugo and Josefina all replied, Yes, this house has clear title.  I was sold, I agreed to rent the apartment with three bedrooms for $400.00 a month for four months and offered to buy the house.  I made arrangements to pay my four months rent in advance and return to Mulege in 10 days to continue with the sale of the house.  Everyone was all smiles, they would get their money and I would get a beautiful house, that needed a ton of work, but in the end, would be a beautiful Inn and Spa and a place to write and live.  It would be my masterpiece.  I wrote them a check for $1600.00 US Dollars and signed a lease agreement for the four months beginning August 1st.  I would return in 10 days and begin the process of buying the house, in Mexico I knew this would take some time and I was prepared to do this.  Polo offered his services for surveyors, accounting and the corporation I would need to form in order to buy this house.   I was elated, I had found the house I had visualized in my mind.  It would mean lots of hard work in the years to come, but I felt this was my destiny.

I spent a few more days in Mulege wandering through the streets, getting a feel for things.  I knew I would spend at least four months here getting to know the people and seeing if this was what I really wanted to do. I drove back to Rosarita Beach and called Roger to let him know that I had found a beautiful house.  He was happy for me and explained all the things I need to know.  I was planning to move down over the month of August, I would be making trips up and down the Baja moving in and buying supplies for Mulege.

My journey had begun, I did not know what was in store for me, I was following my instincts and I knew all would be revealed in time.  I let myself feel the joy of a new beginning and the challenge that lay before me.  This time I would be all on my own, my ideas and efforts would be the theme for this adventure.  I felt a strength and calm, knowing I was headed the right direction.  I knew this would be an opportunity to grow beyond myself in many ways, beyond what I had previously know in my life.  It seemed simple, lots of hard and a happy heart.  The pain of leaving behind my family and friends and the security I had held onto for so long, was giving way to the unknown.  As I packed my trailer for the first load of supplies to take down, I was filled with confidence.

 

September 26, 2007,  Notes…..I am reading a wonderful book, today the word of suffering comes to mind, what about suffering is it something we do to ourselves, is it about growth and strength, the opposite of happiness, would we not know happiness if was not for suffering.  I am no longer afraid of my place in the world, but I am accepting it all as the universe is preparing for something better, inside myself.  Knowing that I am on a path….writing when I can, I think a lot about what I am writing.  The universe has made a path for me, and the things I saw as obstacles are now becoming the path, being happy with I have, it seems to be enough, to do what I need to do.  Write this story…everyday as I live I remember the things they say to me, opportunities are coming my way, I cannot force them to happen, Time is what I need, I live a very simple life, simple food and a simple job I am surviving without all the things I thought I needed. Time is what I have seems to be what I have needed the most.  I have me and that seems to be enough for now.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – PART TWO

 

   A Road Trip Down Baja

After arriving in Rosarito, I was anxious to get started on finding a new place to live.  I knew I wanted to be in Baja, but further down, where it was warmer.  I thought La Paz would be a great place to start.  Nearly 1000 miles from the border, I planned a 10 day road trip.  I would stop every day in a new location, just to check things out before finally reaching my destination.  Baja Sur offered a more tropical climate, palm trees, white sand beaches and warm weather.  La Paz is the capital of Baja Sur, the main seaport with a Malacon with many hotels and a thriving tourist business.  A major airport and many boat harbors made this a good choice and I was looking forward to my new adventure.  I didn’t waste anytime getting started, I moved my loaded trailer into my garage and did a bit of shopping for supplies.   The next morning I loaded the dogs and took off at 6AM.   I enjoyed the sunrise along the Pacific heading toward Ensenada, I had already traveled this way a few times and I knew the road.

Moving on from Ensenada there are some wonderful side trips to Valle de Guadalupe, Santo Tomas and San Vicente Valleys and The Pacific coast.  The valleys are know for wine making and beautiful rolling hills.  The Mex 1 is a narrow band of two lanes punctuated with twists and a near constant fleet of trucks and RVs roaring by.  To the west is the Pacific Ocean, where the craggy rocky coast rises thirty meters from the crashing waves below, off limits to all but the most adventurous surfers.  A very scenic drive with spectacular sunsets.    The drive out to the Pacific is mostly a dirt road and very slow going, great for surfers and camping.  The only hotel is Coyote Cals in Erendira,, very basic, other that, you are on your own.   I spent two nights here, watching the surfers and the waves.  You might be asking what its like to travel alone as a single woman.  I had no trouble, I had my 2 dogs and surfers are friendly lot of people.  I wanted to visit as much as Baja as I could on this trip, I wanted to see what there was and if I wanted to spend time in these location, before making up my mind about exactly where I wanted to live. 

Parque Nacional Sierra de San Pedro can be seen rising in the east, with 160,000 acres containing trout-filled streams, alpine lakes, evergreen stands, granite cliffs and during the winter months, snow.  The only way to reach the park is by car taking a paved road turnoff at KM 141 on Mex1, which leads to the settlement of San Telmo.  The road through the park ends at 2831 meters, just short of the Observatorio Astronomico Nacional, which is home to the largest telescope in the country.   I passed on this trip, my friend Roger from Rosarita said he had gone up for a total eclipse of the moon and it was awesome!

Passing through San Quintin a highway packed with eighteen wheelers and buses, this is great spot to stop for gas and food.  I never really cared for it, I could hardly wait to get out there and on the road toward El Rosario.  I had been as far as El Rosario on the trip before, when I got tetanus. A great place to stay is Mama Espinosas, restaurant and a Pemex gas station, the last dependable one before you reach Guerrero Negro.  Past El Rosario you enter into the desert, catus line both sides of the highway and all modern conveniences disappear by the unforgiving Parque Natural del Desierto Central.  There isn’t a lonelier  place than on this drive along the Baja Highway 1 between El Rosario and Guerrero, except for Catavina and Bahia de Los Angeles.    As soon as you leave El Rosario a eerie landscape of desolate mountain ranges, yucca, towering cardon cati, the worlds largest species of catus began to appear, its daunting. There are no a gas stations, no people and no towns.  

 Catavina is one of my favorite places, huge boulders form prehistoric mountains and the  strangest catus I have ever seem grows abundant in this area.  The cirio or boojum would seem more appropriate in a dreamland or a set designers sketchbook.  Its shaped much like a carrot, it grows straight up to over 18m, at the top a plume of leaves that later bloom.  I spent five years trying to find a baby plant to dig up, I finally bought one in a nursery in La Paz. There is a Pinta hotel in Catavina, and sometimes you can buy gas out of the back of a guys truck.  This is the only place to really stop and take break.

Heading toward Bahia De Los Angeles and driving in the stifling heat of the desert, the lure of coast and blue waters of The Sea of Cortez were in my fore thoughts.  I did not know what to expect as I reached the signs pointing to a 69Km trip east along the resurfaced two lane Mex 6. Bahia is a hour drive, from the cut off on Highway 1, along a mostly paved road, adjacent to one of the largest dry lake beds in Baja.  The dry lake has a history of being an illegal landing stop for refueling of drugs planes.  Not my reason for stopping,  Bahia also offers some of the best scuba diving and the illusive Whale Shark has been reported as a regular visitor.  As a avid scuba diver I felt this detour might be of interest for a return trip another time to do some diving and take a few kayak trips.  So far, there are not any operators in town.  You can arrange through your hotel or you will be directed to someone who can you help you fill your tanks .

Bahia does not offer much in the way of hotels or anything for that matter, as I would find out.  I followed signs along the crumbling asphalt road finding a place to stay.  Larry and Raquels Motel on the Beach, with small rooms right on the beach for $45.00 per night.  Camping was also available at this tiny outpost.  I took a drive through the tiny village to discover a few more small hotels, some looked a little run down, a boat ramp, an internet café and a couple of restaurants.  Before settling in for the evening, I watched the sunset as I had dinner at Larry and Raquels right on the beach, a local favorite of fish tacos.  Isla Angel de la Guarda, the largest island in the Sea of Cortez, dominates the Bay and is the primary focus of the village.  It’s the best place on the seas northern coast for diving and  with air and rent kayaks at Costa del Sol or Villa Vitta.  So basically bring all your own food, supplies and toys to this outpost.  The more time I spent in Baja, I began to understand that you were on your own here.  Baja is a very rural area for the most part, not many services until you reach Loreto and La Paz.  I spent one night in Bahia de Los Angeles and was on the road early the next morning to head down to Mulege for another stop over. 

Guerrero Negro is a nine hour drive from the border, this is also the border for of Baja Norte and Baja Sur.  You are handed a tourist visa at the check point and asked to pay $20.00 at the nearest bank to activate it.   A great place to stop, hotels, restaurants, gas stations and tiendas of all kinds for picking up supplies.  Guerrero Negro  is also a starting point to visit whales during the winter season.  The lagoon is filled with rental boats ready to take to you to see the gray whales on their migratory route to the breeding grounds at the wedge shaped Pensinsula de Vizcanio.. The Reserve de la Biosfera El Vicanto offers a bit of everything.  The Peninsula de Vizcanio is an relatively remote location.  It remains mostly undeveloped, if you make it out here you will find kilometers of unspoiled beaches and world class surfing and fishing.  There are virtually no services, so bring your own supples, plenty of food, water, camping gear and at least one spare tire.  I did visit this area and found it to be beautiful, I wish I had been more prepared for this trip, I could have stayed for quite a while.

The most exciting thing to do in Guerrero Negro is whale watching.  The mostly flat and wind blown Guerrero Negro is cold, windy and foggy most of the time.  Most of the people living in the area work for the salt mining company. The business is based on flooding the surrounding saltpans, the worlds largest with ocean water and waiting for the water to evaporate so that trucks can haul away the salt for export.  Its kinda like watching grass grow, it could be exciting to a few people, but most stop for gas, food and supplies and head either north or south.  So far, I had been on the road for 4 days, I had traveled all over the world, as an editor for a dive travel publication.  Diving and writing about dive locations, hotels, dive operators, side trips and just general information.  I was giving Baja a C-, feeling a little discouraged I continued on to Mulege. 

Before leaving Tahoe I had spent 6 weeks researching Baja.  I talked with friends who had been down there, who had spent time camping, renting, living on a sailboat. I was versed in driving along the narrow Baja Highway 1, told about the trucks trying to drive you off the road, the animals, horses, goats, pigs and cows and passing on the two lane road.  I lived in Rosarito for eight months in my little house with a leaking roof, telephones going off and on, water being shut off for no reason, learning to speak some Spanish.  I spoke with property owners about the different ways to buy property,  I had a FM3.  I knew the difference between a Fedicamiso, clear title, buying in trailer parks, leasing, renting, getting a corporation, a work permit and how to open a business.  I thought I knew everything I needed to know.  I had spent eight months learning about Mexico.  I had thought this trip through from the beginning and I thought to the end.  

It was July, the hottest time of year, I chose this time of year to go down to Baja so I could experience the worst possible scenario, heat, unbearable heat.  I wanted to see if I could handle it,  Tahoe never gets above 90 degrees and it only last a few days, then it rains and cools off.  This was my biggest fear, THE HEAT!!!

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Thirteen

 

    Making the Final Decision 

During the time before I left, I had 45 days to think about what is was exactly that I wanted to do with the rest of my life.   My thoughts raced from the time I put my house on the market to be sold, this was a bold move on my part. I was considering what consequences would result from joining forces with my inner desires. I was aware of painful outcomes of bad choices, rather than focusing on the dynamic tension of the choosing itself.  There was a split between my side that felt empowered and the side that felt unworthy and dependent.  My mission, should I choose to accept it, was to believe in the project wholeheartedly and then create a inner harmony for my self.   I had the mental resources and self discipline to be fully prepared before I began this project.  I had learned how to prepare myself before I would undertake a project.  I demonstrated the value of thinking things through from the beginning.  I researched, evaluated before I would commit my time energy.  

A rising tide of opportunity was lifting my spirits, the winds were whipping up and adventure and creativity was in the air.  I challenged myself to calm my aroused instincts, angers and desires without suppressing a life force to the point where vitality was lost.  A new beginning requires new energy and concentration, I needed to analyze my past, so I could drift with this new current. I was distilling everything that was worthwhile from my memories and trying to get as much value from it as I could.  Using the best of hindsight and employing new strategies and trying new angles on recurring issues.  I was choosing a new path and letting go of a life that I had worked so hard for.  My family and friends who would  never understand my decisions, I needed to exercise as much independence as I could handle.  I was going with my intuition, this was the time to make my move.  Every fiber of my being was saying this is a great opportunity, even if the people around me weren’t convinced. This was a great moment in my entrepreneurial growth, I would make my move and sort the details out later. 

I spent time visualizing what my life would be like, I drew pictures of houses I would to have, I thought a great deal about opening and Inn. Visualization is a very strong aspect to my personality.  Thinking hard and long about a possible outcome usually worked quite well for me.  A great tool!  I thought this experience would keep me meeting new people while allowing time to write.   I the idea of being in a service to others, would give me a chance to atone for some my past mistakes.  The chance to live in another culture would enable me to move among all classes of people.  Living in the United States affords one a very affluent way of life.  This would be a time for me to grow and  learn to appreciate all that I had.  I was willing to make a wise decision, I knew that I would have to live with consequences of this choice, which was now in my hands.  I needed to be sure I was willing to live with the outcome.  Once things were further set in motion it would be too late.

Taking a deep look inside to understand what was motivating me, I had tendency to be pessimistic or depressed..  Was I still nursing a past injury or trauma.  Was my divorce clouding my vision, was I running away.  I seemed to be getting on with the rest of my life, I was moving on, however, was I resisting healing.   Was I nursing old wounds from painful loss of faith and trust, this was the time to scrutinize my current motives.

I spent a great deal of time in mediation and pray, turning myself inside out searching for the right answers.  This was not going easy for me to do. I was preparing for an opportunity to be challenged on a deep level and I was desperately accepting that the experience would change me. I was confronting my fear of being alone and acknowledging the different limits I had put on my self because of that fear.  In the name of being safe I have adhered to lower standards that I was capable of achieving.  I resisted striking out on my own.  I had bargained away creativity and joy to avoid being challenged, I knew these tradeoff never worked. 

As I reviewed my situation realizing that it simply did not work anymore for me, it was time to cut my loses.   I could see how much time and energy I had put into a way of life that was just not right or me.  I hoped that if I could do this I would look back on my life and see this as turning point, an opportunity to heal as I shed a heavy burden that was weighing me down.

It was getting near to the time to let my self fly!  Whatever motivated me in the past no longer applied, it was apparent that the situation in Tahoe was not going to turn out as I had wished.  It didn’t mean it was destined to turn out badly, reality takes a bite out of every dream.  It’s a natural adjustment to any ideal or vision.  Sometime we have to accept a humbling development.

Although I needed to work through some disappointment, I wasn’t going to let it undermine my new enthusiasm.  I hadn’t done anything wrong or walked the wrong path or followed the wrong guidance.  A zig zag path was just the nature of the path.  You win some you lose some.  I wasn’t going to let setbacks take me out of the game.

The deficiencies of my previous leadership had been serious enough to leave things in a state of disarray.  Even though a lot of what happened wasn’t my fault, I had been called upon to take up the burden and make things right.  I was getting ready to open like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly that will emerge with new wings.  It appeared that either accidentally or intentionally I was heading towards an encounter with some catalytic force that would transform my personality.  My sense of identity was being reformed.  A sense of reunion prevailed, as I assimilated all my fragments into a larger sense of self. Uniting with the incarnation of my various self, incarnations of the same soul meeting in a timeless place.

As the weeks flew by, while packing up my house I began to realize that I had completed what I set out to do.  My life long ambition to write appeared to be approaching, a circumstance that previously only existed in my imagination.  After years of effort and struggle, matters seemed absurdly easy now.  My ambition, inspiration and perseverance were taking me towards my desired outcome.  I had drawn my arrow and hit the target with the style of a skillful archer.  I was inhabiting what used to be only a dream. 

In three weeks the movers would be coming to take away my belongings to put into storage for undetermined amount of time.  I was getting ready to spring into action, encouraged by energetic movement toward activity.  I would need to be ready to make my move soon, so making sure that I was fully prepared was driving me forward.  The unpredictability of life creates both the largest challenges and the greatest opportunities.   My job was to tend to the gardens needs and be willing to forgo on my own.  The key was to discipline myself and seek out humbly the most trustworthy advisors I could find.  I felt something of great value was coming my way soon, probably something on the material plane.  Maybe after all the years of struggling along, I would finally reach a point where I could live comfortably from my efforts.  Sometimes no trust fund or trustee can save an heir from making bad investments.  Nevertheless, is was to my best interest to seek out the most trustworthy advisors and let them tutor me so I could be prepared for the bounty when it comes.

Roger was the only person I knew well, living in Mexico, he tutored me in all the aspects of buying property.   I trusted his judgment completely.  Not only did he own property in Mexico,  he was also a CPA and advised me repeatedly on how to invest wisely in Mexico.

You can understand all these emotions on an analytical level, but to apply what you’ve learned, you need to process it using another, deeper type of understanding. Once the light dawns, it’ll never fade.

The Eight of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in denial or blocking. ‘Don’t even go there.’ I will not let myself be limited, paralyzed, held hostage or alienated by fear or fantasy that relies on exploitive emotional rescue, sacrifice of truth, or victimization. I will not be a prisoner to my own perceptions or expectations. Why did Cinderella stay? Do I want to be right or alone? Why have I placed a mental gag order on my own suffering or thinking? I am empowered to question or endure by virtue of my own self-worth because there is no honor in sacrificing my self to victimhood.

The last night in the empty house, sleeping on floor, while the moon shed its light upon me, this would be the last night I would spend in the house I had taken care of.  Everything was cleaned, garage swept, windows washed and my truck sat waiting in the driveway with a fully packed utility trailer.  The cats were ready in there carry cases and the dogs eagerly waited by the door, knowing that we were all going somewhere.  I left at dawn, the sun just barley peaking over the mountain, I turned my wheels out the drive way to head out to highway 80 for the trip back to Rosarita Beach.  A very freeing experience.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Twelve

 

   After all that, I really needed to get away.  I had been torn in two and needed some rest.  I took out the map of Baja and looked at names of a few of the towns close by.  El Rosario jumped at me, it was a four hour drive, I loaded up the dogs and the truck and drove off .

I found a little hotel Mama Espanoias’s, cheap rooms with restaurant.  I arrived after dark, I unpacked the truck, took the dogs for a quick walk and sat down for a nice dinner.  The food was good, I ordered lobster and ate every bite.

The Pacific was a short drive away, so in the morning after breakfast I headed to the beach.  Where else, I loved sitting in the sand watching the waves, the dogs ran and ran and ran.  It was a great afternoon.  I wanted to do a bit more exploring so I traveled along an old dirt roads, there was cactus everywhere and I wanted one for my courtyard.   I stopped along the road and took a look in my truck for something to dig one of the cactus up with.  All I had was my broom for the truck that I kept in the back, it’s handle was broken and kinda sharp, so I thought, this will do.  I set out to find the perfect cactus, it couldn’t be too big, or else it would be too hard to dig up.  Eventually I found one, it was about 18 inches across.  I set out digging it up, while I was digging I stabbed my hand in about 4 places right in my knuckles.  God, it hurt and stung, blood was running down my hand.  I wrapped something around it and kept on digging finally getting that stubborn plant out of the ground.  I put in the back with dogs and drove to the hotel. 

My hand was really aching, I cleaned it, put some ointment on it I had and went to dinner.  That night, my hand was so swollen I was in so much pain, I couldn’t sleep.  I found some aspirin in my purse and then slept for a few hours.  In the morning I was worse, so I packed the truck, the dogs and we headed home.

It was a long miserable drive, when I got back to Rosarito I went right to the clinic.  I told the nurse what happened, she gave me some antibiotics and pain killers.  I went home took the pain killers and went to bed.  The nurse said to take everything for 10 days, so I was religious about it, my hand was really swollen and I was in a lot of pain.   Nothing was working, I went back to the clinic and they gave me something different and told me to soak my hand in hot water.  So I went home and did what they said.  After a week, I was really sick and I was scared.

I was running a high temperature and I couldn’t get out of bed.  So I got out my computer and starting looking at cactus on the Internet.  I couldn’t find anything poisonous, I was tired and fell asleep.  The next morning I was much worse and I had started this strange convulsing of my body, like a jerking.   So I got back on the computer and researched my symptoms on the Internet, I came up with Tetanus.  No one gets Tetanus these days, but I decided that maybe I should go over the border to the hospital in San Diego. I called Alice and she came right over and gave me ride up San Diego to the emergency room.  I hate Dr’s, I always feel stupid, when there is nothing wrong, but there I was sitting in the emergency room jerking like a freak, waiting my turn to see the nurse.

Once she took a look at me, she put one of those wrists bands on me, I waited a few more minutes, then I was being wheeled back to see the Doctor.  They ran a few test and asked me some questions, when the Doctor took my hand and looked me in the eyes, He said “Little Lady, you have Tetanus, we are going to do everything we can”, That’s when I lost consciousness. 

I died during night, I don’t remember, I didn’t see angels or anything.  The next afternoon when I opened my eyes, I was hooked up to every machine.  I was in intensive care, with heart monitors, IV drips of antibiotics, anti tetanus , saline you name it.  Plastic monitors taped to my chest, things sticking out of my legs, I was a mess.  I could barely speak, I was still doing the jerking thing, I guess they were a bit concerned.  Tetanus effects the nervous system, is slows the heart rate and then stops your breathing.  It is usually fatal.  It is sometimes called “Lock Jaw”, during the spasms your jaw locks, which mine did.  According to the Doctors, it is very unusual to get Tetanus, vaccines are given frequently.  In fact I had a booster just a few years before, they last 10 years.  If I had not gone to the hospital when I did, I would have died at home within a few hours.

Alice came back to check me they said, but they weren’t allowing me any visitors yet.  She had left a phone number for me to call, when I could.  I was there all alone.    I spent a week in the hospital, I didn’t call anyone to let them know, not even Amanda.  The Doctor said I could go home, but the tetanus had done damage to my heart and would take me some time maybe a year to heal.  I would  need to rest.  My hand was all bandaged, I hadn’t been able to take a shower or even comb hair.  Alice came and picked me up and she took to my house.  She did some shopping for me and told me if I needed her she would come right over.  I said, “I’ll be fine, I just want to get into bed”.

After Alice left the phone rang, it was Leo.  He was frantic because he couldn’t get a hold of me.  I him told where I had been, but all he could talk about was the letter I had sent.  The last thing I heard before I hung up, was him saying that I needed to take responsibility  for my life and what had happened between us.  I put the phone back on the cradle, I think he was still yelling something.  I looked at the ring he had given me and I took it off, I had finally let go of and the past.

When I died in that hospital, something changed in me and a new person was born.  I let go of things I thought I never could, I forgave myself and forgave Leo.   Diego was right, there were two people in that vision, he helped me to realize that Leo was not the other face.  In growing and forgiving I was making room for the other person to come into my life.  I had come a long way.  I never talked to Leo again, nor do I think I ever will.

The next few weeks I spent resting.  Each day I got a little stronger, my heart hurt, but my hand was healing.  It was numb, it would be a year and half before I would start writing again.   I spent my time reading and going over all that happened in the past six months.  The reality of it was sinking in, I started to think I should go home to Truckee, that maybe this had all been a mistake.  I had finally let go of the past, I had grown.  It felt great.

I spent the next few weeks trying to decide what to do, I didn’t have all the answers yet, I had written 185 pages of a story I felt compelled to write.  I thought if I found a new location I could get a start fresh when I was a little bit stronger.

I decided to go home for a visit, my house was ski leased and had some repairs that needed to be done. I missed Shane and my grandchildren, I loaded up the cats and dogs for the 10 hour drive home.   It was great  feeling to be home in my own bed, lighting a fire and watching it snow, I thought about if I wanted to keep living in Mexico.   If I wanted to give up my house and my family for all new found freedom.  Moving to Mexico is a choice you make, something not to be taken lightly.  I felt I was making a decision not out of desperation, but one well thought out, the best laid plans of Mice and Men. I wasn’t making this decision based on a whim.  I had already sold one piece of property, I could reinvest in the states, but what I wanted to do was write.  Writing had been a plan of mine since my early twenties, and this was my chance, I didn’t want to blow it. 

I wandered through town and visited with friends, went skiing with Shane, we had one of the best days ever, just the two of us.  I spent time sitting in my favorite restaurants, having drinks in my favorite bar, after 10 days, I knew I wanted to return to my little house in Rosarito on the beach.   The visit home and the  town where I had spent most of my life, had made it clear that I was ready to leave.

I put the house on the market May 15th and within 2 weeks I had an offer at full price.  Wow, I didn’t expect it to happen so fast, so I packed my truck and headed back to Truckee to sign the papers and pack up my house.  I had 45 days until escrow would close.  So there I was alone in the house with all the stuff I had collected for a life time, kids toys, clothes, bicycles with flat tires, 6 pair of old skis, my garage was full of junk.  So the sorting and packing began  and getting rid of all the junk, I ordered a dumpster, which eventually was emptied 6 times during the process. I moved everything I didn’t want into the garages and begin sorting for the garage sale of the century.  I went through every old box, not wanting to throw away any personal picture or memento that I couldn’t live without.   Once this was done, I moved everything outside for the sale, it lasted 3 days, almost everything went, furniture, clothes, basket and planters, fountains, tables and umbrellas.  I raised enough money to buy a camper shell for my truck and a utility trailer.  I called North American Moving Lines and moved my most prized possessions into storage until I could figure out where I would be moving. I was taking off with a trailer full of my clothes and a few small pieces of furniture, 3 dogs and 2 cats headed back to my house in Rosarito Beach.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Eleven

 

   I called this my Week of Confusion, Manuel leaving the way he did, had left me feeling uneasy.  Had I been reading too much into that relationship?  Manuel seemed to know a hidden truth, was that why he was writing me poems of pirates and unconsummated love?  I looked at the two rings that I wore. The Ruby Ring I had bought while on that trip through Central and South American, I bought in a antique store in Buenos Aires. The other one was the Lapis one Leo had given me on my 21st birthday.  It seemed as though I had done everything to bring this situation to a conclusion.  I had exhausted a full range of possibilities and all of my creative energy had been put to good use.  Maybe this was a good time to lay down my concerns and enjoy a rest.  There was nothing more to bring to the mission, I need to regenerate and restore my energy.

I was confused by what I had found, Manuel was holding something back and I knew it, but why?  Leo, seemed to be in my path for growth.  My past was repeating itself, the same lessons over and over again.  Resistance, Judgement, Fear, Morals and Compassion were the themes that kept resurfacing.  My path was erratic and unclear, necessitating new choices every few steps.  Maybe making no moves that could produce permanent consequences, until I could work my way through this period of confusion.  Maybe the uncertainty would pass and I would be able to see clearly the path to peace again.

I continued with my translation of Diego’s Diaries, the translations were difficult, even after translating them into English.  The words were so old, it took hours to interpret one page.  Parts of Diego’s life were coming into focus.  The incident of family drowning was very evident in his diaries and the pain he felt.  His wife Isabel had been from Spain and she had married Diego in 1774 in Buenos Aries.  They had 10 children, three were born in Spain, seven lost at sea, all were under the age of nineteen.  One died as an infant, one son died at the age of nineteen in Spain and one son lived through the incident, Carlos Antonio Alvear.  I had read a book written a book on his life as well, but it only detailed his political career never mentioning his personal life or family.   

Then I found something very interesting, Diego had 3 daughters who died on that voyage.  The eldest Manuela was 15, he was taking her to Spain to put her in a convent.  She seemed to be in some kind of trouble and he was taking her away.  In the diaries, he felt terrible for what he had done.  Diego had actually watched the ship sink with his family aboard, there were five ships in all, the British sank only the one carry his family.  They searched through the wreckage to find survivors  there were none.   He had watched them perish right in front of his eyes.

Researching the little bits of information from the diaries written 113 years ago, about a family that lived and died 200 years before, was keeping me confident at the task of attempting to grasp more and more information.  My focus and the attention to this project were bringing deep fundamental changes with a far reaching consequence that was emerging from my life.  Allowing my imagination and originality to operate in the situation, creative solutions were sure to rise.  I needed to transform chaos into a higher order.  Feeling as though, my angels were handing me a torch of light and saying “Please keep this aloft for a little while.  We won’t make you hold it too long.  Another runner will be sent to collect from you.”  Taking a boarder view would help to clearly see how to translate past experience into fuel for the future.  My past was not limiting my future.  I was learning from past experiences and adjusting future plans and goals.  Watchful for the insight, because it would provide lucid information into a pattern that had always been a mystery to me.  Seeing clearly that I was not trapped in a predestined reality, but able to creatively reinterpret my circumstances and create new out comes.  To realize that I was not merely the result of my past, but who I was would result of responding to future opportunities as they rose.  A forward point view would change everything.

Leo was resisting me, his ego was strong, almost too strong for me.  It seemed he may be thinking in a all or nothing manner right now, seeing things in terms of extremes.  His mind set up to view the consisting of opposing, mutually exclusive contracts, there wasn’t a lot of room for flexibility.  I was trying to encourage open mindedness, not to block the light of awareness that was moving through me.  Leo was being tempted by the fantasies of a life of ease.  I was trying to keep him remembering that a patient path of steady effort would more likely to result in gains he could keep.

I had worked hard all of my life for my accomplishments, I would never jeopardize my freedom.  The thought of not being part of my son’s life or the lives of my grandchildren were much stronger than a life with Leo as he was today.  I realized that he had only known his life, as an outlaw, and was holding on to that thought, the fear of change had him terrified.  The stress in his life to change made him want to skip the responsibilities that secure the foundation of an important dream.  His behavior was gambling with the future.  No one prefers hard work, but yet this is how one turns a dream into reality.  It’s best when you can do the work as a team, providing motivation for each other on the difficult days.  This would require learning about things rather than not being responsible.  I was more attuned to the greater good and was willing to accept the responsibility of leadership.   Having confidence in my strength and compassion was allowing me to stand in for Leo for a while.  It was part of my souls’s growth to serve as some kind of sacrificial lamb.  I had elected for this, for special reasons, I knew I was strong enough and that it wouldn’t be fatal or cause me any permanent change.  In my great compassion I saw that I could help Leo who was vulnerable to repeating the same choice over again.  I needed to try.

Manuel had left on Sunday morning and I had turned my energy inward.  Confused by the signals, messages and the people in my life.  I needed to steady myself, get control and find my center.  I spent the week writing a letter to Leo, it was his birthday on Friday and I was putting together a package of cards. Wednesday after my class, I went to the post office to mail Leo’s package.  When I arrived there was a letter from Leo, it was very disturbing to me.

Dear Claire,
You have to remember that I’ve been living by my wits as an outlaw even before we met.  Taking calculating risks has been an important ingredient in my personal development.  I’ve become a master of opportunity and a wizard in improvising.  I know I don’t have many years left to live and I certainly don’t want to spend  them here.  Try and remember I am not a house cat that plays with balls of yarn.  I’m a full grown tiger.

You make my blood flow in places that make me feel alive.  There are only two women in my life that I’ve cried over.  One was my mother while I was scratching her back and holding her hand before she died.  The other was you, when I knew that you were gone forever, that day you said it was over, at your Father’s ranch.  I will never get over either one.  Forgiving is another matter.  We can never go back and change anything.  All we really have is right now, to live with possibilities in the future.  Somebody once said if you really love someone you have to be able to let them go, so they can continue on their path towards self awareness.  But if they should return to you, love them forever.  I’m going to be out of mix for awhile and you never know when a new love is going to drop in on your life.  If you are still available by the time I’m finished with this mess, I would love to try a commitment.  We both know that love alone isn’t enough.  But, I think we both understand now if we can include trust and mutual respect to the partnership it will hold together against anything that fate throws our way.  I Love You, Claire

Love, Leo

I quickly wrote him a reply while sitting in my car and mailed it.

Dear Leo,
I have a  few things to say, I liked the Tiger part, do you growl, scratch and paw?  But, you have to remember I am not a little girl anymore.  I am a full grown woman and I am like a Tigress now.  Protective of the ones I love and I have been hunting alone for a very long time.

I know that I hurt you deeply for that I am truly sorry.  Are you ever going to forgive?  I had a baby out of wedlock at the age of 15.  You did not marry me, drugs were more important to you and always have been.  I have had many tough years.  But what I have today, is mine and no one can take it away from me.  I had to make a tough decision when I left you, but things seem to find a way for the good.  I am happy and at peace.

It really pains me to hear you talk about new tricks.  The Devil can teach you all kinds of things, not many, are really that useful in the long-run.  The choice is always yours, but I need to tell you, if that is your choice, it would be better not to be a part of our lives.  I don’t want to have to answer anymore questions, when they say “Where is Papa, Mema?”  Shane will be a very hard nut to crack, he has buried his feelings for you very deep, I can tell you it won’t be easy.  You don’t walk back into someone’s life after 20 years and say, “Hi, Honey I’m home”.

When it comes to relationships, commitments are something you make, not try. I have said I was sorry to you so many times, yet I have never once heard you utter those three little words “I’m sorry, Claire” or even accept any responsibility for your own part.  Somehow this has got all turned around.

I will be a friend to you, I really can’t be much more.  When you are ready to make that decision after you are released. We will see what kind of life you choose, if you want to see Shane or any of the children you can write I will be happy to give you his address and phone number.  

I will keep my door open to you, Leo.  I’m not closing it shut, but you need to understand that I am not easily swayed, I only wanted to help if I could.

Claire

I wanted to believe him, I hadn’t seem him in over twenty years.  I was willing to serve the greater good, for I knew if I did, goodness would be returned.  In love there are always sacrifices and challenges in choosing a partner.  I was at a crossroads and could not take both paths. To partake of a higher ideal often requires sacrificing the lesser option.  The path of pleasure eventually leads to distraction from spiritual growth.  The gratification of personality eventually gives way to call from the spirit as the soul matures.  The choice, is the choice of evolution over perfection or the choice of personal growth through relationship, instead of a fantasy where everything falls into place perfectly and is taken care of without effort.

I was going to keep the communication open with Leo, I realized that I had made a commitment to myself to see him through this.  It frighten me a bit, there could be a transformation or awakening on his part.  Maybe he would realize that I was an angel and had mixed up special medicine for him to take to heal his past.  Maybe my influence will help him shift his focus and awaken to a sweeter, harmonious and nourishing life.  He had spent so many years living without anything like this and it aroused suspicion, if he would relax and not resist it.  It might help him to soften and learn to trust again.  Just because his past had been difficult and lonely didn’t mean he had to live that way for ever.

I spent Friday at the beach, laying on the sand watching the waves.  Warm sun, no wind, I lay there for hours just letting thoughts drift through my head.  When I returned home, I found I couldn’t sit still.  Roger had called to say he was in town and invited me out for a drink, so I decided that would be a great idea.  Rene’s the local bar was crowded when I walked in, Roger was sitting at the bar having a beer, happy to see me when I slid in next to him.  “It’s nice to see you out, Claire” he said.  “Ya, I just can’t sit at home anymore right now, I’ve got to get my head out of that book” I replied.  “So what do you want to drink, It’s on me tonight” and he gave me hug and punch on the arm, like I was one of the guys.  “A beer please, a dark beer” I ordered, giving Roger a peck on the cheek.  

 We sat at the bar for hours listening to music, the Marachi Band played, it was fun.  It was hard to talk it was so loud, but for me, I couldn’t hear all that stuff in my head anymore and that was good.  The dance band started and I asked just about every guy at the bar to dance that night, I was having a blast.  I had gone back to my seat at the bar and was starring out across the room, when I thought I spotted Manuel.  He was sitting with some friends, I wasn’t sure if it was him, I didn’t have my glasses on. 

Just then he appeared in front of me.  “Hi Claire, nice to see you out, how are you,” he smiled. “ I’m fine, just out with my friend Roger, here”, Hi, Roger, he quipped.  Roger leaned over to me and rolled his eyes and said to me very quietly, “You need to watch out for that guy”, “Ya, Why” I said, “He’s married Claire”, “I know Roger, I’m a big girl, I don’t fall for married guys, you know that.”     And he left it at that. 

 Manuel asked me join his table, I said yes and walked over to meet his friends.  In a few minutes I was uncomfortable and told Manuel that.  I didn’t understand why we couldn’t be friends, I enjoyed his company and then sex came up again.  I finally gave in and agreed to sleep with him, I just couldn’t take anymore.  Then he said, “Of course, I can’t leave my wife”, “Fine” I said.  It was more than that, it was the book, the story, everything, he seemed so frighten by it.  He asked if he could drive me home and I said yes.  Then he excused himself and went to the men’s room, I got up and walked out the door got in my truck and drove myself home, alone.  I locked the gate behind me and went to bed.

I spent the next day lounging around, reading, watching movies.  I was supposed to go to an afternoon party, I got up, showered, gave myself a facial and was ready to go.  Then I just stopped, I couldn’t bear to go out.  The bell rang at 10:00 pm, I didn’t answer.  I knew it was Manuel.  I went to bed at 10:30 and fell asleep and at 2:00am the bell was ringing again, this time it went on for 10 minutes.  I knew it was Manuel, someone was calling through the bathroom window.  I did not get up.  I needed to put some distance between us, I was very disappointed.  Finally  the bell ringing and shouting stopped and I went back to sleep.  The next morning when I got up there was a note under the gate. 

It read:
Claire, I have been by twice since last night and you have not been home.  I am worried about you.  I hope your meeting with the owners of Castillo Del Mar went well.  Please Please Please, keep writing your novel.  It is a story of pure genius.

Later that afternoon I went out to my truck and just outside my door was a circle of stones with flowers on top.

I never saw Manuel again.  It took me a while to figure out what that was all about.  In some ways, I think Manuel was the ghost of Diego.  He opened the door and guided me in some way. Diego had been there.  When Diego first appeared to me in my vision, he looked the way he did before he died.  I didn’t recognize him, he was there to say he was sorry.  I think the Ruby Ring was a gift to be given to me, when he put me in the convent  The ring was at least 200 years old, I had it appraised.  Feeling hurt and dejected, he appeared later in Manuel, as he looked when I drowned. I recognized him as Diego my Father.  Manuel was really unaware of what was going on, he was a man being lead by physical attraction.   I had found one of the faces in my vision and soon the face of the other would appear. 

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Ten

 

Leo’s letters were beautiful, I felt so much love for him.  I just couldn’t explain my feelings to anyone.  He had written:

“I have kept all these feelings for you hidden away in my sub conscious.  You have set them free again and I remember everything, How you look, feel, taste, smell and move.  In all my relationships since you, I have felt a large void, something missing, now I know what it was YOU!.  I believe we have evolved from a collective unconscious of souls.  Our journey began with the first dawn, after what we call “The Big Bang”.  Our souls created crystals of pure possibility out of material that formed the stars.  You and I really are the creative process of the universe becoming conscious of itself or as you say “remembering.”  As the crystals we vibrate in sympathy with each other like tuning forks.  In my journey through the Storm of Chaos to the center of the cyclone I lost contact with you.  You found me and are bringing me to you.”

I could feel his pain, wishing I could comfort him in some way.  Only through letters could we express our feelings.

I had finally received my book on Don Diego, written in 1891 by his daughter Sabina Ward.  The translation would be more difficult that I had thought.  Sabina had actually used Diego’s Diaries to write his history.  The book were is his actual feelings, descriptions and events that had occurred.  As his story unfolded it was as if I already knew what I was I reading.  I began piecing together my vision, my feelings and the people who were coming into my life.  The words I was reading were making me cry, it was so moving, I could feel Diego’s pain.  He had loved his family in his heart of hearts.  Nothing is a coincident, this was happening for a reason.  It was being revealed to me, slowly.  I felt for sure that Diego was guiding me, yet it wasn’t clear where I fit yet.  My thoughts we’re going back and forth between the possibility of still being a daughter or a wife.  Why was Leo here, and who was Manuel?  I continued with my work, reading and translating the diaries.

Just after sunset, the bell rang at the gate, it was Manuel.  I was happy to see him, it was always so unexpected, I had started to think that he may be a spirit, since he only came at night.  As he came through the gate, the first words were, “Did you know that spirits can take other forms?”  I stared at him a minute amazed.  We walked through the courtyard into the dining room and sat down to talk.  I told Manuel about the letters from Leo, he said “Did you think that he might be the face in the vision” Manuel was the only person I could talk to about my writing, the vision and my dreams.  He had access to my thoughts and feelings.  He was always there to give me confidence and reassurance.  He seemed to understand, it was if he knew something, but wasn’t saying.  He wanted me to figure it out on my own, he was just giving clues.  As we both sat there looking at each other, we both had private thoughts.

Manuel was being drawn to Claire’s great inner strength and a kind of personal power that was revealing the possibility of worldly success, she seemed to be a force to be reckoned with.  Claire was attracted to Manuel’s emotional and spiritual wealth that seemed to have remained dormant in her life.  Manuel seemed to experience life on many levels, he knew his heart and the power of emotions.

That night he asked if he could spend the night again, but this time he wanted to sleep with her.  He needed to be close to her, he wanted to hold her, while she slept.  He said that they would just sleep.  I thought about for a few minutes, it sounded so good, I missed having someone close to me.  I explained to Manuel that I wasn’t ready for anything more than just sleep and he agreed.

I put on a long nightgown, I made Manuel leave on this tee shirt and under shorts, then we climbed into bed.  It was powerful, the two of us holding each other, Manuel kissed my neck and rubbed my back.  I kept my back to him, not wanting to arouse him anymore than he was.  I could feel the stirring of something I really wanted to avoid.  Manuel asked, “Can you sleep?”,  I said “Yes, Good Night”.  We feel asleep together wrapped in each others arms.  Through the night we each woke up, to make sure the other was still there and in a quiet silence of the night with the stars shining through the window we both slept soundly.

The early morning light woke us, we were still wrapped up together, Manuel said “I’ve never felt what if feels like after, before.  When you hold me, I can feel love pouring out of you, like I have never felt before.”  He told me that he had affairs before and never felt he was in any danger, they had meant nothing to him.    Manuel was attracted to me on more than one level, it wasn’t just a physical attraction, it was deeper.  He left early that morning, saying good bye, I didn’t know how long it would be before I would see him again.

Manuel returned again later that evening.  I was out walking the dogs, I had seen someone dart across the cobblestone path that led down to the cliffs where I liked to sit.  I had taken Manuel there the night before, we had both sat and watched the waves crashing below.  As I approached the path Manuel appeared before me.  I wasn’t expecting to see him, he always startled me when he arrived.  He had poem for me, he wanted me to read it.

Putting the dogs in for the night, we entered through the gate into the courtyard.  We embraced, it felt so familiar.  Manuel handed me the poem and we headed inside to dining room and we both sat down.  I began to read his poem, he had written exactly what I had said that morning before he left.   As I looked up from his poem, printed on yellow note paper and looked into eyes, he admitted he was becoming emotionally involved.  I was afraid, I didn’t want an emotional involvement or entanglement of such a relationship in my life right now.  My feelings were deep, but not clear.

Manuel was always telling me about his wife, she was in his thoughts, she was always in the room when we were together.  He said he always told Cecilia everything, the people he was meeting, what he was doing.  He just couldn’t bring himself to tell her about me.  Claire, the woman he met, or how much they had in common as writers.  Cecilia would be threaten.  Manuel told me he had thought of a possible relationship with me, but that he couldn’t leave Cecilia right now, he would have to wait a few years.

I looked him in the eyes and gently reminded him, that we weren’t having an intimate relationship and that I couldn’t be involved in such a complicated affair.  In my heart it didn’t feel right.  I remembered the way I had felt when I found out my husband had been having an affair.  The pain had been unbearable. 

In the back of my mind, I was thinking of Leo.  Even through he was in prison, a few of my friends that I confided in, thought I was absolutely crazy to even have any feelings at all.  But yet, I did.  I had been single for a number of years and during that time had never met anyone that made me feel the way Leo did, except Manuel.  The temptation to become involved with Manuel weighed heavily on my mind.  It was a appealing, no string attached of sorts, he said.  It would last for while, for how long we didn’t know.  I could feel Leo watching me, and in my heart I just couldn’t bring myself to be disloyal to myself, to Leo or to Cecilia.

I didn’t understand Manuel at all.  While we shared a closeness, the passion was veering out of control.  Manuel was searching for something in himself and I seemed to be bringing it out of him.

That night we talked to early hours of the morning.  Manuel told me about his vision he had seen while buried in an avalanche. Manuel had married at the age of twenty six to a woman he had know in college, she was a few years older than him.  Cecilia had been a good friend, she had cared for him after his near death experience in the Andes.  Before Manuel had left on the ski trip to Portillo, he had no plans to marry.  He always thought he would be a bachelor.  While skiing he had been caught in an avalanche with his friend Juan Rosa, out of the blue, the cornice broke off.  They tried to out ski it, but it buried them instead.  While buried and near death he had a strange event happen to him, he had never forgotten it.  He could see a beautiful woman with golden hair, she was sleeping and he was trying to wake her, so that he could tell her something.  He knew her, he loved her, she woke for a few minutes and sat up in bed.  Rubbing her eyes and putting her hands over her face, she wasn’t afraid.  For a second she seemed to know who he was.  She was wearing a Ruby Ring, it was set like a crown and the Ruby sat on top.  He could see her falling into the water in a white dress, she had been wearing a straw hat with black ribbons.  He had tried to save her, her hand was bleeding then and then she disappeared into the sea.   It suddenly vanished, he never saw her again.  Manuel was rescued a few hours later.  During his recovery at home he had asked Cecilia to marry him.

I was in a state of shock.  He knew that I was the woman, the first time he saw me.  He loved me, but wasn’t sure why, he just need to be near me.

I shared with Manuel the details of my vision for the first time.  I told him two men appeared.  The vision had faded from my memory and had reappeared a few years before.  I was telling him about the research and the book about the man Diego Alvear.  At that moment our lives changed forever.  Manuel asked, “What is his name?”, I said “Don Diego de Alvear de Ponce Leon” he gave me a blank stare, then he spoke. “My Great Great Great Grandfather was Diego Alvear”.

We were both so overcome with emotion, that neither of us could say a word.  We sat motionless for what seemed to be an eternity.  Manuel wanted to know how I found Diego and wanted to see the book I had.  Until that night, I had never told him all the details of what I was writing, I didn’t want people to think I was crazy.  I had never mentioned any names, just a brief story about the vision and a character that seemed to fit.

I confided to him about the our first meeting at the party.  As soon as he had walked into the room I had felt something right a way, Manuel said it was the same for him.  I told him, when I first came down, I didn’t have plans to move to Mexico, but when he didn’t call, I felt something was calling me and I wanted to find him.  When you first arrived at the gate, I had already imagined it.  Manuel said, he hadn’t been able to get me out of his mind and when he found out I was living here, it took five minutes and he standing on my doorstep.  I had thought from the beginning that he was Diego, but that now I was confused about my feelings.  There were two men in my vision.

I began telling him about the book I had purchased from an Antique store in Argentina, I immediately showed it to him.  I explained that I was translating the book, to find out more about Diego life and his relationship with his first wife Isabel.  I wasn’t sure if I was his daughter or his beloved wife that both had drowned.  I told him, I thought Diego was guiding me in some way, in finding my Twin Soul.  I thought perhaps it might be you, but after I met you, nothing seemed to fit.

Now everything was so unclear, there was no way I could be involved intimately, I said, “What if you are my Father.” “I couldn’t bear it, Until we know more, we must remain close to each other and over steps our bounds” “There are other people involved here and we mustn’t do anything to cause them pain” Manuel agreed with me, it difficult to admit it, he knew I was right.  It was late and he could see that I was very tired.  We both needed to lie down for awhile.  It was getting light out and we were both exhausted.  We feel asleep on top of the bed with all of our clothes on. 

The next morning Manuel felt as if he has passed the mark of no return.  He said he had to leave, he wouldn’t be able to see me for awhile, he had to sort things out in his mind.  I asked, if he would come back, he said he would.  I started to cry and asked only if he wasn’t ever going to come back, please tell me, he promised he would.  He got up and left through the gate, I could hear the door close behind him.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Nine

   Manuel began dropping by unannounced mostly after dark.  I never knew when he would come by. I didn’t think about him while he was gone and I didn’t seek him out. Then one night late, it was 2:00 am the bell rang at the gate and woke me up.  I went out to see who it was, it was Manuel, he said he needed to talk, he had a poem for me to read and I let him in.  We sat at the dining room table and I read his poem.

 

Pirate’s Cove

He is her following seas, awakening night face curtains,
hanging loosely like a jib waiting to catch the wind.
Catclaws extend slowly scraping across the sheets

in a silent way to second mate, on a midnight watch listening to
The breathing of deep pulsing against the hull,
planks swollen in a perfect curvature to prowl the smooth decks
until fingers reach the compass,
magnetized rubbing to remove the misting fog.

Turning one eye blind inside; the other on the apparition of a
Spanish Pirate sailing in a ceiling of stars
as she buries her booty in mounded gasp of sweat
Just beyond the Captain’s grasp.

 

As I read his poem, I began to cry, tears were rolling down my face.  I looked into eyes, “How did you know,” I said, “Who are you?  I hadn’t mentioned to Manuel anything about what I was writing, not the vision, not Diego, not any of it.  We talked about the vision for a while, we were both tired.  I fixed my spare room so the he could sleep.  We gave each other a hug, we lingered a minute, but our friendship was special, it was more than sleeping together.

We both slept well that night, I got up first, I could hear Manuel breathing hard still asleep in his room.  I made coffee and sat outside in the courtyard in the sun waiting for him to get up.  Manuel wandered out onto the patio where I was sitting an hour later, I felt a kind peace when he was around.  He said he had a dream he wanted to tell me about.  Then he started to talk.  “We were in your house, with you and your Mother, when all of a sudden my mother was there too.  Not knowing that I was there, she had been surprised to see me”   “It seemed odd, that our Mothers would know each other.”  Then he continued and this is what he said

“I could hear your footsteps on the tile floor, I had slept well.  I felt safe with you, in a way I couldn’t explain.  I am married, I am not looking for a sexual relationship, but there is something about you, that I want and need.  I love you, I can’t get you out of my mind.  You seem so vulnerable, I want to protect you.

When you read the poem that I gave you last night, it was as if we had shared something, that was buried in our hearts.  When a soul, leaves a body it never dies and they never rest, not until they find their true love. 

I know that you are not going to do anything to ruin this friendship, you’re not going to become emotionally involved, not yet.  Not until we both knew why we have been drawn together.

Now is not the time to tell you that I had seen a vision long ago, when I was in my twenties.  You were wearing the Ruby Ring that you have on now.  There is a connection, we need more time to figure things out.  I saw you, and your beautiful long golden hair, you were asleep. Why are you in my life?

There was a feeling of closeness that neither of us could explain.  Manuel left soon afterward, then he was gone.  I wasn’t sure if I would see him again.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Eight

 

 

   After the visit from Manuel, I was very confused.  He had told me was married, even though I had a very strong attraction for him, I did not want to be involved emotional and certainly not intimately.  There was such a strong pull between them, I needed some time to figure out what was happening to me.  It was as if I was being called upon to steer a collective enterprise, that would not only benefit me, but all those I was involved with.  My world seemed to contain limitless number of puzzles.  Every twist of the road seemed to bring something new for me to ponder.  At some point I would have to stop asking questions and start making sense of the answers I had already collected.

Letters from Leo were coming every week.  I was searching my storehouse of memories to find answers, to rediscover things I already knew, but had forgotten.  I could hear his voice in his letters, he said we were soul mates, there was a difference between Soul Mates and Twin Souls.

A soul mate is one who you may love just enough to show you all aspects of self that need to be brought into light of unconditional love.  The very one you have the most difficulty accepting may be a soul mate who is giving you the opportunity to forgive seventy times seven.  They will often create an environment of safety for you to empower you to process your end time.  They will teach you the depths of unconditional love in preparation for the reunion with your Twin Soul.

In my heart I felt it, I could always find him, I still wore the ring he had given me when I was 16, I had never taken it off.  Remembering that each person possess a gem hidden inside, I couldn’t help reaching out to Leo.  The challenge would be to discover what was good in my relationship with him.  I just needed to sacrifice control over the situation, calm down and wait it out.  Sometimes you just can’t avoid a situation.  Maybe I was being tested both physically and emotionally.  It was too late to change the events of the past few months.  I had to stay healthy and let go of the desire to push the river to make things happen.

I felt I was on the brink, of a period of time so multidimensional that it was hard to separate fact from fantasy.  There were so many developments unfolding, changing and merging, it was difficult to comprehend every nuance.  It was overwhelming.  The best thing for me to do was relax and open my mind to a more primal state of pure awareness.  I needed to stop listening to rational intellect and get in touch with my deep body of wisdom.  Ultimately, I had to stay close to the way I was feeling at every moment. 

The situation was veering out of control and I was beginning to feel trapped by the circumstances.  I felt as though I was springing out of cage, in which I had been contained too long.  Now that I had launched myself on this journey, I was feeling maybe I had moved to fast, gone too far, too soon, as if I was hurtling through space without the ability to keep all the energies in one place.  The wheels were rolling down unfamiliar territory, it was time to tune back into my primary focus, to rein in the wild horses.  What once felt like a fun adventure was turning into a wild ride.  I needed to find a way to quell my fears and proceed with confidence, I had to find my course again and steer it.

I could feel that something exciting was about to happen and now was definitely not the time to hesitate.  I would be given a signal or an opening, trusting my instincts and spontaneity I needed to be prepared.  I was seeing with new eyes, there was the long term potential to go way beyond personal and relationship limitations.  The value once placed on the outer was being shifted to the inner.  I was gaining new capacities for self knowledge, self trust, inspiration and visionary ideas.  I was as abundant as the universe, where fertile, creative and blossoming new developments were constantly emerging.

I did love Leo and I would try to remain available to until his release.  It was up to him, I wouldn’t be fooled by him and all his promises that he could never keep.  The new friendship with Manuel was puzzling, I felt there was something more and wanted to find out.  It was impossible to have two twin souls, but for some reason I had brought two people into my life and I hadn’t even left the house.

Leo was always in the back of my mind.  He was in my thoughts, I was no longer having conflicts within myself in regards to him.  But somehow things just didn’t seem to fit.  I wanted to see him, so that I could look into his eyes again, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

Remembering the last time I saw him, it was at my Dad’s ranch, it was a lifetime ago.  I had pleaded with him to marry me, he said “No”.  I was so afraid and hurt, I told him I would never leave him, in a way I never did. Over and over again, I would find him, hoping he had changed his mind, maybe he would want to be a part of Shane’s life.  He was never ready.

I sent him the story of Topaz, it was like our life, she was waiting and he was always contrary.  As if his soul was caught making the same choice in consciousness he had made lifetime after lifetime.  Still caught up in the threadless spin of consciousness patterned in alignment with the past.  In his letters he had told me that I wouldn’t be surprised if we were evolving in parallel directions.  “Once one twin individualized polarity of consciousness and choose pure love ideas, expressions and emotions, they would become subject to each others Grace and this would become their newly shared Karma” How did he know?  “One move forward in the process of the journey automatically provides the impetus to bring the other forward in similar fashion”   

Leo and I had begun to re-establish our relationship through letters.  It seemed we were both evolving along the same path.  I felt close to him, wondered if it could be true, maybe he was the one true soul.  I couldn’t be sure and kept remembering what Amanda had said, “He uses you Claire, like always, and manipulates you, it’s a hopeless situation, let it go.”  I wanted to believe, but more work needed to be done.  If he was truly my twin he would enter Mirror Seven with me, there was no begging, bargaining or pleading that could force the Creator to make that fusion.  It was the ultimate Gift of Grace.

My thoughts returned to the good memories they shared, the way he had made me feel when we were together, his encouragements and his love.  Leo wasn’t an just person, he was a notorious pirate.  Maybe he would learn this time, I hoped.  I had to stay focused on myself and what needed to be done to make my life secure.  The future would take care of it’s self.  He was not in my life, and no threat, it would be two years before he would be released.  I was safe. If it was meant to be they would reunite through prayers and mediation.  Meanwhile, I would continue with my work and research to find Diego.  The mysterious Manuel had intrigued me, they had something to share.

It had begun to rain and I re-read all of the letters that Leo had written to me in the past few months.  Hoping they would continue until his release.  I would remain his friend, waiting as I always had.  There were no guarantee about what would happen, they would have to wait and see.  I would remain loyal, it was all I could do now.

AS THE TORTILLA BURNS – Chapter Seven

 

  Amanda was coming for the weekend and I was looking forward to her visit.  Someone to talk to you, go out to dinner and laugh with.  She was arriving in Chula Vista, at the trolley station we had finally agreed on, close to the border.  I could check the mail for my books before I picked her up.  Leaving early on Saturday morning, I didn’t want to be late, you could never tell how long you would have to wait to get over the border.  Arriving a few minutes early, I sat in the car waiting for her trolley to arrive.  Right on time 1:15pm, there she was my best friend of 30 years.

Amanda and I had been through everything together, we had met long ago.  The first time we saw each other, I had been out riding one of my horses through the apple orchard, she had driven up the drive to the ranch in a Porsche, with her boyfriend Gary. I had been riding Diallo, my Dad’s Appaloosa Stallion that day, he was a little a frisky, doing his side stepping show.   We pranced up to their car, I got down off my horse, long red hair all in tangles, I had twigs and leaves from the trees in my hair, I looked a mess. She has always said, She could never forget that day when she saw us.  Us, meaning me and  Diallo, she had seen us out in the orchard, galloping through the trees.  She had never been on ranch before, had never ridden a horse, she was amazed as me.   We had absolutely nothing in common, she was from Los Angeles and 6 years older than me.  I thought she was the most amazing women, she was an airline stewardess.  I guess I kind of hounded her for our friendship, like a younger sister, she was always trying to get rid of me.

I got out of the truck to greet her and giving her a big hug and kiss, I loaded her bags and off to Mexico we drove.  The drive only took 40 minutes, we chatted all the way.  It felt so great to be around someone that knew you so well, no hiding, no reason to hold back information, we were best friends, from the first time we met.

Arriving at my Casita by the Sea, Amanda was impressed by my new surroundings, comfortable and colorful just like all my other houses where I had lived.  I had  brought a few treasures from Tahoe, Amanda immediately recognized them from my world travels.  We settled in,  I showed her to the spare room.  We decided to go out for a walk, along the cliffs to watch the waves, we took pictures of ourselves.  Enjoying a glass of wine as we sat on the edge of the cliffs to watch the waves roll in, the beauty that surrounded us was overwhelming.  Once we sat down our conversation didn’t end until she left on the following Tuesday.

I wanted to take Amanda to this great little restaurant, La Fonda’s for dinner. The restaurant sits on a cliff overlooking the waves below, it was one of the best spots to watch the sunset.   We headed down the coast highway for Margarita’s, Dinner and the Sunset, it was a perfect evening.  We laughed so hard tears were rolling down our faces.  We could talk about everything, the past was a big part of what we needed to share now.  We both had different memories of what had happened and a different perceptive on the things we shared that night.

Early the next morning we decided to take a drive down the coast to Ensenada. I knew a great spot to stop, the view was spectacular it was called el Miradore.  It was once a rest stop with shops and restaurant and shops, now it was deserted.  The buildings were painted in blues, purple, yellows and orange, it made a great back drop for photos.  We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day, perfectly clear with no wind and it was warm.  As we stood gazing out over the Blue Pacific, we started to talk about Leo.  He seemed to be with us on that trip.  I was running around taking pictures, of Amanda and the beautiful vista from the perch.  I was moving down the stairs so that I could get more of the buildings into my shot, when Amanda called out “Oh my God, Claire, look over there, it’s Leo’s name on the rock, It’s written on the rock”.  I couldn’t believe it!  I had been to this spot before and stood right where I was and had never seen it.  It was an omen, we decided.  Seeing that rock, left me feeling shaky for the rest of the day.  We continued down the highway visiting a few tourist spots, having lunch and stopping at the fish market for shrimp before heading home.

Once we were home Amanda asked to read the letter that Leo had written and I agreed to let her see it.  After reading the letter that I had written back to him, Amanda began to cry and couldn’t stop.  It was so sad to think about all those years that had gone by and him now in prison.  We talked a lot about what I was going to do, would I be his friend and be there for him.   Amanda gently reminded me to not get into deep, but his name on a rock was an omen, he was back in my life, but for how long.

I took Amanda back to the trolley on Tuesday, we had a wonderful visit and she promised to come back soon.  I told her I would try and get up to Long Beach one of these days, but it was hard because I had the dogs and I couldn’t leave them for very long.  After I dropped her, I went to the post office to check for books or maybe a letter from Leo.  The box was empty and I headed home.  Wednesday was my day for class, I decided to go to bed early so that I would be rested, I was exhausted from the past couple of days.

Leaving again the next morning to head to class, I stopped by the Post Office again, one of my books arrived, it was just what I needed. It was the book “Memoirs of a Militia Sergeant” by Manuel Antonio de Almeida,  No letter, oh well I thought, Leo probably didn’t like what I had to say, that’s it.  I longed to get my class over so I could go home and rest.  The next day I really couldn’t do much of anything, feeling a little depressed from all the excitement, it seemed as though I was reaching a dead end again with Diego.

Friday morning I woke in good spirits, looking forward to a day of writing.  It came in spurts and this was one of those days, I wrote for hours.  The words just flowed.  I would usually start around 10am and continue until 5pm.  I liked the schedule I had set for myself.

It was a evening in March, Manuel was out with some of his friends and had run into Roger, at Rene’s Bar.  He made small talk with Roger, who was a football nut and the game was on TV.  Manuel finally got around to asking Roger, “So have you heard from Claire, how is she anyway”, Roger said, “She moved down to Mexico, she came down in January”.  Manuel asked “Do you know where she lives”, “Ya, She’s in Castillo Del Mar, she doesn’t leave the house much she is writing a book”, Roger replied.   Manuel asked “I’d like to go by and see her, do you know the number of her house”.  Roger said, “It’s a gated community I don’t think you can get in, but it’s number 43 or 47, I think.  I haven’t been by in while, maybe you should go check on her”.  “Just check at the gate, tell them you’re a friend”.  Manuel said ‘Thanks, I will” and left the bar.

By five, I was tired, stopping to make dinner, I had planned to go to bed early.  After dinner I would take the dogs for a walk, maybe read for awhile and then sleep.  I took the dogs out after dark, we walked for a while and then headed for home.  As I came closer to my house, I could see a man standing there.  As I approached him, he said “Do you remember me”? It was Manuel, I almost fainted, I said “Yes, of course I do, would you like to come in?”  I was shaking so hard I didn’t want him to see, how much he had affected me.

He had found me, “Oh my God” I thought to myself, “He has found me”.  He had brought me some poems that he wanted to share, as we sat at my table in the dining room we talked for hours.  We talked about everything as if we had been friends all of our lives.  It was very intense and the attraction was unbelievable, magnetic, there was electricity in the air.  I already knew in my heart that he was married, he didn’t have to tell me, I knew.  I also knew that I would never be able to have an affair with him it would go against all that I knew.  We talked about it, he looked me in the eyes and said “We are one” and I replied “ Yes I know”.  He had written four questions on a piece of paper, for me to answer in regards to a possible romance, quickly I answered ”No” to each one and instantly he knew. That’s when we started a friendship.